Friday, February 27, 2009

Ima Slow

I don't like to think about myself as be slow to get things. But that's what usually happens. My husband will tell me a joke and I won't know it's a joke, then awhile later I'll think about what he said and start to laugh. He'll usually be another room and he'll holler in, " Your NOW just getting it?"

Then there was the time at the school where my kids went. One of the parents (a man) used to hang out with the head mistress of the school. I would see them everywhere. Both people wore rings on their ring fingers. I looked. I knew the head mistress was married to someone other than the man I would see bringing her coffee on a daily bases. Every time I went to town I would see them together. With all the kids. I thought how does her husband stand this? Is it an affair? What are they thinking? Those poor children. By now you know my mind is in overdrive.

So anyway, I'm at a friends house and the kids are playing and I decide I'm going to say something to my friend about it. So far the only one I've said anything to is Dave and I've about sucked his brain dry on the matter.

So I start out with, so and so and so and so sure spend quite a bit of time together. My friends says yeah and the kids all get along great. So I say I don't think my husband would be happy. She looks at me funny and said, well they are very good friends. I don't say anything for a minute because of the way she reacted but then I bit the bullet and blurted, do you think it's an affair. Now she really looks at me funny and she says to me, are you serious? Yeah, I say. Why? They are ALWAYS together. Then I get from her another are you serious? Now I feel like I really opened up my big mouth. Then she says, Melissa, he's GAY.

Really? I say I didn't know that. She thinks I'm kidding. She goes on to say how could you not know, your joking you can't possibly be that naive.

So in my defence, I say to her, well, he wasn't wearing a sign.

I must set myself up for these things.

So a few weeks ago I'm reading one of my favorite blogs. Stacy D. Briefing. I tried to copy and paste her blog here but it didn't work out for me. But she's on my side bar.
Anyway, Ima Jo King stands in for her sometimes. Yes I really do know it's her. I was particularly happy after reading her post a few Saturdays ago and danced around the house singing in a very loud off key opera voice, Imaaaaaaaa JOOOOOO KIIIIIIIINNNNGGGG. Driving everyone nuts. The more they complained the more I sang. I switched tones, voices and settled for a hillbilly voice. After a while my darling Mimi pops up in front of me and asks me why I'm singing I'm joking. What I say? I'm singing Ima Jo King. By that time Dave is shaking his head and saying your NOT serious?
Sadly, I was.


noble pig said...

I am laughing so hard I could spit.

Stacy D. Briefing said...

Hey, it happens to the best of us! Why, I have so many different personalities living in my head even I can get confused sometimes!!! LOL:)Thanks for making me laugh! Have a great weekend!!!

Auds at Barking Mad said...


Funny but true story.

When I was on the air down at KHMX in Houston I took a temp job in the afternoons because I was on the air in the morning and frankly quite bored the rest of the day.

I temped out at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston. Part of the MFAH was Bayou Bend which was gifted to the city of Houston or the museum (I forget which) a while back from the Hogg family.

I was transcribing some notes for the Director of the museum and came across a particular entry for Ima Hogg. No joke.

I thought for sure it was a typo or a joke on the new temp. So I asked him about it.

Sure enough, Miss Ima Hogg was a real person! And me? Well I felt like a huge ASS!

But I spent that afternoon giggling anyhow.

FishermansDaughter said...


I have many similar stories about my own "unique" world view...and no, IMA NOT JOKING

Mama Goose said...

reminds me of The Simpson's eposode where Bart calls the bar and asks for "Amanda Hugankiss". Mo yells across the bar, "I'm looking for Amanda Hugankiss. Look, I need Amanda Hugankiss!". (For you slow ones out there that's "A Man to Hug and Kiss") Yes, I have a very juvenile sense of humor!

Thanks for the great laugh!