Monday, March 30, 2009
My moms lymphodema swelled to epic proportions and it was thought that she had come down with cellulitus, which is a bacterial infection. Not good going into your Nader week. I just liked saying that. It sounds like I know what I'm talking about. Your Nader week is the second full week after chemo when your white blood cells are at their lowest point. So after much running around the doctor decided to stick her in the hospital for a few days and juice her up with antibiotics. When we got her all settled in at the hospital the PA for the cancer center and the Charge Nurse for the floor decided it was not cellulitus. Just really awful lymphodema. Are you following me? Good, good. Cause I'm a little lost and might need some help staying on task here. What we found out though from my mom at the hospital that she had not told anyone cause she was embarrassed, is that she had not pooped in six days. Ewwwww, I just used the word poop and mom in the same sentence. Now that doesn't sound like a big deal, for me it would be, I would just think you'd pop an Ex lax and go. So to speak. When you have cancer it's another story. Something about back up and yuck, yuck, yuck I'm going to puke and next thing I know she's on a bowel regimen. Needless to say she was damn glad to get out of that place and come home.
It was a long frustrating and guilt filled week. I will write about all of that later. I even spoke to my sister for the first time in four years. Don't get all excited, she isn't hopping any planes to see mom. She just wants to know if theirs a will and who gets what. (Another fun fucking fact is that my mom doesn't have a will and doesn't think she has anything but junk and says crazy things like, it's all in your basement.)
On a great note, my cousin came in a moments notice and car pooled my kids and their friends to choir practice. I just love her. My neighbor Paula came everyday at less than a moments notice to watch the kids. Not once did she complain about being rudely awakened at her crack of dawn with me at the bottom of her stairs yelling Paula we need you now! She always came.
The children didn't do much school and I called out at work every night except Monday. I actually put in my two week notice. I think that's a record of the shortest time I've held a job. But maybe not. Today I cancelled all of our appointments and have been cleaning all day. I have to work at 5:30 but a decent dinner will be made and the house will be clean. I'm even caught up on the laundry.
I have more to write but I have one more bathroom to clean so I will write more tonight. Maybe you guys out there can help me out with some answers that I'm looking for. Or maybe you'll tell me about the special place in Hell that bad daughters go to cause I think that's where I'm going. But I'll drag my sister with me if I go.
The wonderful picture I posted I took on the first day of spring. I've been so busy I forgot to post it. They are so pretty. Even my Hollyhocks are coming up! Yea, spring:)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dr. K- Hi, how are you?
Me- I'm fine and yourself? (I always do that)
Dr. K - Fine, is your mom home?
Me- No she is getting her Mugga.
Dr. K- Oh, okay, well we have come up with a chemo regimen for her. I think we'll start her on Herceptin and Abraxane.
Me- Okay. How often? (He sounds very upbeat.)
Dr. K- I think we'll go every three weeks, that way she can get her feet under her and really start working on this cancer. ( My mom has a very hard time with chemo and last time almost kicked it twice.)
Me- Alright, so the cancer isn't anywhere else?
Dr. K- I'm afraid it it. It's in the wall of her chest, in her lymph nodes and I'm afraid it's in her liver.
Me- Really!? Are you sure? She just had a test on her liver because of her diabetes and that came back okay.
Dr. K- No, she really has cancer in her liver. I took her results to the conference yesterday afternoon and we all agreed after looking everything over.
Me- Well, (pause) what does this mean in terms of ( Dr. K cuts me off nicely)
Dr. K- Liver cancer is not curable. The only thing we can do is hope that the chemo/herceptin combo responds well. She has a very aggressive form of cancer.
Me- (I don't exactly remember how I put this, I was getting flustered at this point.) How long does she have?
Dr. K- Well, if she responds well to the chemo she could do fine for five years. People with liver cancer do not generally live beyond five years. If she doesn't respond well, three months, six months a year or two. It's really hard to tell until we get started.
Me- Okay then I will let her know what you've said. I'm sure we'll have a list of questions for you on Friday.
Dr. K- Yes, that would be great. I'll call back either tonight or tomorrow about this time and talk to your mom in case you don't tell her.
Me- Yeah, thanks that would be great. Thank You.
Dr. K- Bye.
So yesterday I told my mom she has liver cancer. I got to tell my dad and my brother. Plus my moms best friend (who I must say took it worse than me and my mom together) I did make my mom call my sister and tell her right away. I just couldn't do it. I'd had enough. I'm one of those people that will cry it out right away and then it's over and I get aggravated with others for not getting over it. It does not help in this kind of situation.
I have not handled this very well and need to suck it up. I have a family to run first and foremost. I can't drag them down with me. To top it all off I'm PMSing and am a roaring bitch. My husband said he wanted to tie a block around my neck and throw me in the river. Had he'd been serious I might have tied the rope and block myself and jumped. (Not really)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
She drove to our house with my mom and played UNO with the girls. They really love their BIG sister. To the point that they try to listen to all the same music and wear the same clothes as she does. If she's not careful when she brings her laundry here to do, (imagine that) the girls rifle through it and take clothing articles from her. I had to draw the line at the pilfering of her lace thong. Ewww
One time her panties were drying on the clothes line and Dave walked by and glanced at them and he gave me the look. You know the one where you know they want to jump in bed. I said those are Kadies. I thought he was going puke. He moaned and groaned that he felt sick all over and had chills. Now he doesn't look at the panties on the clothes line.
But I digress. The girls fight over Kadie and as Kadie has gotten older she has started to enjoy being a big sister. She always used to act like she was their mom. We actually called her Officer Kadie because she was always on patrol. I think she's more relaxed now cause she can legally drink. Though I've yet to go to the bar with her I can't wait to toss back a few with her.
The girls are really rallying together right now. We've told the little girls that Grammy is sick again. Yesterday they told Kadie that they don't like her much (grammy) cause she's too clean and she gets mad a lot. They also tell Kadie stuff they won't tell me. Boy does that piss me off. But I'm happy that they have her to go to. Cause when they are 16 and 14 and pre menstrual they can stay the night at her house. She can also keep them over when she has to stay up all night to make sure they don't sneak out their window. Or sneak anyone in. That will be payback.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A real conversation between Dave and Dane.
Dave- Dane, what does the cow say?
Dave- What does the kitty say?
Dane- Busnotch (Butterscotch) say meow.
Dave- What does Trapper say?
Dane- Woof woof
Dave- What does mommy say?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Friday was a rough day. Mom took the news well as can be expected. It was hard to be strong. I hid in the bathroom at the cancer center and cried. Cancer Sucks. I know I didn't fool anyone cause when I came out the nurses all gave me that I know you were blubbering look.
She seems to have a decent doctor. He is very knowledgeable and is optimistic. Now she has a battery of tests to go through to see if the cancer is in her bones and to see if it spread. I personally think it is in her bones. As it is you can see the cancer on her chest. I won't give ya all the details but it's scary.
This next week will be busy. Mom has tests everyday except Thursday and I have to home school everyday and do story time on Tuesday, Wednesday is AWANA, Thursday is choir and it's my turn to carpool. And I have to work every night. Then on Friday we find out just where the cancer is and mom starts chemo. What if the cancer is in her bones? Does that mean it will get her? I mean does it go away with chemo? I'm scared to google it. I am going to later though cause I hate not being prepared. My mom would rather not know anything and let is, is. That drives me crazy....
On a lighter note, when we were at the cancer center the lady at the front desk caught me rolling my eyes at her and she called me on it!!!! Shit.
After 16 years of marriage and 4 kids I have perfected the rolling of my eyes. I do it all the time. This time I got busted. That's all I need to have the people at the front office to hate me. I did apologise and try to explain that I wasn't rolling my eyes at her per say, just the situation. I don't think she bought it.
On a positive note. I think we can do this. Whatever this is. I know God is here and he knows what's going to happen and I have to BELIEVE that I can deal with this because I can't change it. All I can do is "roll with it". (baby)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
You Are Powerful and Determined
You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality
That is what Melissa means. As I scolled through this I thought, "Oh no, that's not me." Then I got got to, "Well , maybe." to HOLY SHIT.
It's not dead on but close. What is your names hidden meaning?
Thanks for this one http://mamaguse.blogspot.com/
Monday, March 9, 2009
So I thought I'd give everyone an update. Mom has been sick pretty much since she arrived. It's Maine in the winter. Coming from Florida, why wouldn't she be sick? She came down with a bad case of shingles a few weeks ago. We got through that okay. Well she did. I just felt sorry for myself.
Last Friday we went to the Endocrinologist (the cancer Dr.) My mom has more lumps. Today we went to see the surgeon who said right up front that it is probably cancer. The Endocrinologist said also he felt is was cancer. Nothing like being up front. So Friday we find out for sure. The upside is her Dr. thinks that there is different chemo crap she can take that won't put her in the hospital. The downside is cancer 3 times in 2 years. WTF?
I am totally freaked out. My eye keeps on twitching because in front of the kids we are all trying to play it cool. At least til Friday. I am frantically working on the girls school stuff and writing down what they need to do so if I'm not home who ever is here can help them out. Other wise they would tell who ever that their work is done and play video games. I don't want to jump the gun but I have no idea how to care for someone who is sick with cancer. I'll do it of course. But I'll have to ask the Dr. a bunch of questions to make sure that I do or get what ever I can before hand so everything will go as smooth as possible.
She is also battling a bad case of Lymphedema in the arm that her Lymph nodes were removed. She has to have testing done on that. If she has cancer again there will be a battery of testing starting ASAP. And I thought I wasn't busy enough.
So I thought that I would post our findings as we go along. I'm sure there will be some laughter. After all what isn't funny about someone who pukes while driving to Augusta. Why did they have to close that damn rest area on the way? I used to be able to make it that far. I can only imagine if they send of to Boston. Think Dumb and Dumber....
Saturday, March 7, 2009
This clip has been on my fridge ever since, well I can't remember how long. I know we lived in Florida at the time I cut this out of the Sunday comics. So maybe twelve years. This seems to be our life. The sarcasm between husband and wife. I think we have been at it for so long that we don't even realize we do it. I hope we don't damage the kids too much.........
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I'm pretty new to facebook and I like it way better than MySpace. BUT, what happens when you don't want to be someones friend? Do they know you pushed the ignore button? What if you are the one to be ignored? Also I see sssssooooo many of people I knew all through school that I have not seen or spoke to in 20 years. Some before that because I got myself knocked up and refused to go to my last year of highschool with a new baby. Prego my junior year was traumatic enough. Anyway, some of these people didn't talk to me after I got pregnant, or maybe it was the huge chip on my shoulder that I carried just to make it through the day. What I'm saying so poorly is if I ask someone to be my friend will they think I want something? It terrifies me.