Saturday, April 25, 2009

I really messed up this time

My mom has been really sick again. The chemo has just wiped her out. Today was a beautiful day. The first one of the year. My mom and I spent it on the fourth floor of the hospital getting pumped full of fluids. My mom, not me. I just hung out. I should have seen that she was dehydrated sooner. We could have prevented her getting so sick. Its been like a three ring circus at our house lately. Everyone always needs something from me. Food, drink, boogers wiped, puked picked up or to be touched. I gotta tell ya, I'm a little sick of touching and being touched. Cause I'm not touching or getting touched if you know what I mean. We are still in the girls room and my mom is two rooms away. We home school so there is always people around. How can I have "you know what" with my mom in the house? Am I sixteen?

But the real mess up I made was on Friday night. I belong, (belonged, after Friday.) to the Secret Pal program at our Church. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's a program where you pray for someone all year and during the year you send or give the letters and little gifts to them without them finding out who you are.
The big Reveling Banquet was Friday. Now I knew I wasn't going to be able to go and I promised the person in charge I would drop my gift off before hand. It is a big deal. Everyone gets a gift and thanks their pal. Only I forgot to drop off my gift. So my pal had to sit through the whole event and she didn't get a thing. I know it's not supposed to be about the gift, but when fifty woman or so get together and gifts are flying around it had had to hurt. I am a piece of dung.
Hopefully I can corner her tomorrow at Church and apologise profusely.
But this whole thing with my mom, this is what its done to me. I am stretched so far beyond my limit that I'm going to snap at any minute. I won't go Postal or anything. I might just sit and cry for weeks on end. If I had a beer in the house tonight there would be a tear in it.


Philly said...

Don't beat yourself up about getting the gift there. I'm sure this woman will understand.
You can cry on my shoulder anytime, feel free, or I'll just cry on my own shoulder for you.


Frank said...

Aww, it's okay. Obviously you have bigger things on your mind than dropping off gifts. It was a memory slip that could've happened to anyone.

KimberlyDi said...

You can make things right if you go to her and explain. So don't be hard on yourself.

Stacy D. Briefing said...

I would imagine ANYONE would understand a late gift given what you are dealing with! If she is less than understanding, we should ALL start praying for her and her soul!

Mama Goose said...

I'm sure she understood, given the circumstances. You have enough on your plate my dear. Cut yourself some slack. You'd do it for anyone in your situation. Be good to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Awwww sweetie, don't beat yourself up over this. I think, under the circumstances, it's more than understood. Like Frank said, you've got bigger things going on in your own world and it could have happened to ANYONE.


Auds at Barking Mad said...

Crap, that comment wasn't supposed to be anonymous. Oiy!