Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Please don't lock me up and throw away the key

Disclaimer: The views shared in this post are not mine (Melissa) they are of crazy Premenstrual Melissa.
This is my moms dog Baily. I actually hate her. She's old and she stinks and she has to be walked at least four times a day. This damn dog will eat anything. Crayons, tissues, food from the babies mouth, cat poop and most recently, Horse Chestnuts, which by the way will make a dog puke and poop violently. I really enjoyed cleaning up that mess, over and over again. Also my mom stresses the dog out. If my mom is really upset, like when she was getting ready to move, the dog stinks so bad it makes you want to puke. I actually think I did at one point. Worse yet, I'm sure when I was hauling them from Florida to Maine and we stopped at almost every Cracker Barrel to check out the mark down racks, we probably reeked liked the dog. I think that's why people kept staring at us. We STUNK!
But to my surprise, after a week of being here the dog wasn't so smelly. And she wasn't so smelly until my mom got freaked out again and held onto the dog and cried. She then became smelly once again. Are you following? The dog not my mom. Stinking really bad.
So we walked our own dog several times a day and my moms dog several times a day all freaking winter. I have grown to hate her. I can't help it. Her hips are very bad and mom won't face it. She has big tumors on various parts of her body, to which she doesn't want checked because she doesn't want to know the truth.
Posted by PicasaSo last week, as you all know, I had a melt down. Poor Dave, did he know he married a crazy person?
As I sat on the couch sobbing in my wine and to Dave, I told him I had a plan. If you knew Dave you would see the look of amusement on his face as he said "let's hear it."
Well, I said really warming up, tomorrow when mom goes to sleep, I'll take the dog to the vet and have her put to sleep! Then I'll race back here with the dog and slide her dead ass back in the crate and when mom wakes up, BAM!!!! Dog died peacefully in her crate.
As I looked over at Dave waiting for his approval he started to laugh and said "Jesus Melissa!"
Foiled again....

2 comments:

Mama Goose said...

Snort. Sorry. That was funny!

Stacy D. Briefing said...

HOWLING with laughter!!!