Friday, June 26, 2009

Just A Long Week


What is it about little boys and wet chins? I tell ya, his chin has been wet since the day he popped out. Also, check out the horrendous haircut. We've been trying to grow it out. Dave took him for a haircut at The Walmart's and the gal used clippers. Now the back of his head has a big ring. It thoroughly disgusted me.

Just when I said I wanted to start blogging more, I got very sick. It started last Thursday after I got home from the concrete pour. It didn't seem like much, just a little cough. By three I was thinking, "Why am I coughing?" By the time Dave got home I met him at the door in tears. I'm sick again I wailed! Around eight that night I was coughing so hard I asked Dave if he could pick my uterus up. I think it just shot out between my kankles.

I really didn't have time to be sick again and besides I just got better. Plus my mom was going to find out Friday morning if the chemo worked. I didn't think I was nervous about it but apparently I was. At midnight I was still awake with heart palpation's and a feeling like I was going to puke. I knew my mom was nervous too. I could hear her pacing in her room. Earlier that evening she said she felt small. She said,"For someone as large as I am, I feel so small." I never even tried to go to bed.

Friday we were up and at it early. On the way to Augusta we talked of everything but what the Dr. would or might say. Finally we were in the room and the Dr. came in. It felt like forever. Between coughing and feeling like I was going to heave I wanted to shake him and scream 'Tell us it's better!" But it wasn't. The chemo didn't work, not at all. As a matter of fact her cancer is worse. She now has a minute spot on her right lung and they don't want to test it for fear that if it is cancer the needle will spread it. The lymph nodes all have the same amount of cancer in them and now cancer is not in just the left side of her liver but in the right also. My mom and the Dr. started talking new chemo and I put a halt to it. I said we need three weeks to see if my mom gets her strength back. This poor woman, my mom, has had no life. Zach, zilch, nada. But still she wants to try something new, something full of magic that will give her some hope. Its heartbreaking. Liver cancer can not be cured. One time a good friend of ours was going out on a lobster boat with some other friends. He noticed there were no life vests aboard and being an avid boater he asked why and the boat captain calmly said, "Why prolong the agony." That is how I feel about more chemo at this point.

Should she have more chemo. Should should just dope herself up on meds and live the rest of her life seeing everything she can til the money is gone. I don't know.

I also mentioned to her Dr. that mom has been looking at houses and the Dr. looked at her like she was crazy and said he wouldn't buy anything. He told her not to do anything right now because her future is so uncertain. That was hard for her to hear.

So here we are, still more questions than answers.....

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Monday, June 22, 2009

Puttin Up (Not to be confused with puttin out)

On Saturday morning we anxiously awaited the sound of a big truck coming down our street. Since we live in a farming community (The Dairy Capitol of Maine) we hear big trucks all the time. Finally we heard this one. As they slowed down to back the truck up, Mimi ran out to snap a picture. And I quickly shoved Danes gum boots on his feet.
We raced out in the backyard so we could watch them unload since we had never seen it done before. Usually we get our own wood but because we get it in Southern Maine we didn't want to transport wood due to the Ash Boring Beetle. Which is not in Maine yet but could be. Make sense? Nope? Me either. Plus this was soooo much easier. Take a look at that clamp! Weeeeeeeell Doggie!
I'm not sure what this fellas name is, I leave that up for you to decide, but he sure was nice. He had the best job. I also think he thought we were hicks standing outside with our cameras watching hm unload the truck. We home school darn it! Everything is an education! What we really wanted to do was climb right up with him and try and do it ourselves!
It is a pretty big wood pile. Nine cord of wood, people! It's a start. One more load like this and we should be set for the winter! Anyone want to come over and help cut, split and stack? All th beer you can drink......... (And maybe a ride to the ER after you cut off a limb.)
I pulled this up on The National Weather Service. It's our 5 day forcast....

RainLikelyLo 58 °F
TuesdayRainLikelyHi 68 °F
TuesdayNightShowersLikelyLo 57 °F
WednesdayChanceShowersHi 72 °F
WednesdayNightSlight ChcShowersLo 58 °F
ThursdayChanceTstmsHi 82 °F
ThursdayNightChanceShowersLo 60 °F
FridayChanceTstmsHi 80 °F
FridayNightChanceShowers

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Return of Concrete Man

Today's post is all about Dave. Or I should say "Concrete Man." When we lived in Florida Dave (we) had a concrete business. I loosely use the term "we". He ate and slept and breathed concrete. He was also very good at it. I used to have a tee shirt that had a picture of a super hero form on it and it said Concrete Man on it. I loved that shirt. I wore it until I out grew it.






Today Concrete Man had the opportunity to pour a garage slab for our neighbor. He had been talking lately of starting up a concrete business again. I thought that if he did this he'd get the feeling out of his system and get back to the real world. But I was wrong.



It started about a month or so ago when our neighbor said he was getting ready to pour his garage. Dave immediately said don't rent anything to do it with I have everything you need. Or something to that effect since I wasn't there. But since that night Dave stated getting out his equipment and cleaning it up and starting the power stuff and all that junk you do to power thingies so that they work.



The thing is, he didn't get it out of his system. The closer to the pour the more his eyes lit up. I saw an excitement that I haven't seen in such a long time. I saw a love.



When we moved to Maine, Dave gave concrete up and went into a totally different line of work. Even back then I wondered how he was going to do it but then I pushed it out of my head because he now had a job where he was home at a decent hour and didn't work weekends. The bad side of it is, he now drives up to 300 miles a day. Yuck.



I really want him to be happy and do something that he loves. Isn't that what every wife wants for her man?





Speaking of men. These are my favorite.



And now a sweet Dave story to make up for the fridge comment that he made.



First let me say (I say that line a lot) We have been under great pressure since my mom moved in. Not just with her moving in and her cancer but also with work. I'm not going to blame the economy but it is what it is. Two weekends ago we had a blow out. You know the kind that you usually have when your first married. Only we still have them 17 years later. It keeps our marriage young. Hee hee. So last week I was trying very hard to put forth a great effort and keep the house picked up and dinner ready when he got home from work. Believe me, it takes a great effort on my part to do that. A two year old and home schooling my kids take up all my time. (Oh and Farm Town too) He was also going above and beyond to make things right between us.



As you know I was sick last week. Thursday night I started puking and it just didn't stop. Friday morning I was supposed to take mom to the cancer center. As I lay on the couch in the early hours of Friday morning wishing I were dead, I opened my eyes to see my husband sitting in a chair watching me. I mumbled," I'm sick." He said," I know baby go back to sleep." So I did.



I woke up again and Dane was sleeping next to me. Everyone was up and running around. Including my mom. I puked and went back to sleep. I woke up again when Dave was shaking my shoulder. I asked him if it was time for me to get up and take mom to the center. He said no, Paula, (who watches the kids and so much more) was going to take her. I was so relieved and I said, "Can you just put a movie in for the kids then." He said they are out in the van, I'm taking them to work with me for the day. I don't remember much after that. (Except for waking up mid morning in a cold sweat because my crops needed to be harvested on farm town in which I called up my girlfriends daughter and had her take care of it for me. I'll have my mansion yet!)


I have more I could write but it just gets kind of mushy. I will say that these are scary times.







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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Good Morning


Sunday morning started out pretty good. When I woke up I thought I felt pretty good so I started the mad race to get everyone ready for Church. The early service. AGH! In order to get there by eight twenty we HAVE TO LEAVE by seven fifty five.
We left at five after eight. I knew I was in trouble when we got to the interstate. (Why couldn't we go to a church in town)
I told Dave to stop and get me something to drink because I thought I was going to be sick. Because of that little set back we were almost ten minutes late for church. Which almost put Marian over the edge. You know how she hates to be late and to be late for GOD is the worse thing you could ever do. (According to Marian.)
We made it back home and I went to bed and left Dave to take care of everything. After awhile he came upstairs to let me know that food was rotting in the fridge and I should take care of it. Yeah, that's just what I wanted to do. Sick as I was. MMMNNN the smell of something gone bad.
So I laid in bed and felt sorry for myself a bit more and then rolled my arse out.
I cleaned out the fridge and found out that I had a whole chicken to cook ASAP! Plus broccoli, cauliflower, carrots some apples and blueberries. And I thought I was going to have a hard time to come up with Sunday dinner.
I was stumped as to what to do with the apples and blueberries and by the time I thought of something the chicken was already in the oven. I put it together anyway and cooked it on the grill. May I present to you....
Apple/Blueberry Cobbler
I didn't even have to clean the grill first:) I actually got quite good cooking on the grill when my oven shit the bed on Christmas Day a few years back. By the way, just a little bit of info for you. If your oven shits out as your trying to cook a Christmas dinner for 30 and your 35 weeks pregnant, don't type in WEBBER GRIL instead of WEBER on the search to find out how to grill a turkey. Especially with small children running around. Because than you will have to throw your body across the screen as you frantically hit escape. Don't take my word for it. Try it yourself.... She wasn't even that pretty......
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Monday, June 15, 2009

Greenville

Last Thursday the kids and I took a day trip with some friends. I've been sick ever since. It had been raining for the past few days and we were going stir crazy. So when my girlfriend called and asked if we wanted to go to Greenville (otherwise just known as Moosehead) we jumped on it. We got up early had some breakfast and Mimi and I popped some puke pills. It normally takes 1 1/2 hours to get there but I wasn't driving and we made it in an hour. I should of known it was going to end poorly. My stomach was doing flip flops the whole way but because of the pills it didn't bother me. We went swimming and had lunch. Then we drove by this sign and I had to stop and get pictures so you all can see what kinda rednecks we are here.
On the way home stopped for dinner and I shared french fries and gravy with the kids. NEVER eat french fries and gravy if your prone to car sickness and you live in the wilds of Maine. It just wasn't good.
This is the only picture I took of the lake and it's pretty blurry but it is what it is.
Yesterday I sat down to write a post and I made myself a promise to post everyday for two weeks so I could get back in the swing of things. But I puked and went back to bed instead.
So as of now I'm going to get back in the groove and post more regularly. I know, aren't you just thrilled?
Okay, BS is over and on to mom. She has a huge week. Tomorrow she gets a PET Scan and that will tell us if the cancer has spread or stalled or turned green with dots. We will find out the results on Friday. She also has to have a Muga done again for her heart on Thursday. So my week is full. If I could just stop puking everyday I'd be fine. I will have to say that if I didn't just get over my you know what I would think I was knocked up. It might be all the pressure but I'm not sure. Usually I just break out in hives when I get upset. (Do you know how bad it looks when your angry with your spouse and in the middle of a good Rowe you break out in hives and all you can do is scratch? It's hard to get your point across.)
My mom wants to move into her own place. We have no objections to this with the exception of, will she be fit enough to. She keeps saying when this is all done I will have five years. Denial is what she's in.
Two weeks ago we had a talk about her will (she had none) and it didn't go well. She kept saying she wasn't dead yet. A few days later her girlfriend from Florida called to shame me for giving up on my mom. I told her I had not and she said you know your mom has five years! I started to laugh, I know I'm crazy but what the fuck people!? I said, Joyce, she has cancer in her chest, lymph nodes and liver. A person who doesn't have anything but liver cancer can make it up to five years. Also that person needs to be otherwise healthy. She's not. She then said I know she has five years! Denial is running thick. I than said okay so she has five years. They diagnosed her with cancer again back the end of February, so that would mean now she only has four years eight months. Do you get it? Time marches on. The conversation was pretty much over after that.
We also find out if they are to do more chemo. I don't want her to. Since her forth treatment she has been out of the house just for appointments. Her quality of life sucks and they say she could be a year or more recouping. Take that off the five years and what do you have? Not a fucking thing.
I think what is really bothering me is no matter how much I love my mom, I never really liked her as a person. When I became an adult we didn't become friends. I never shared that special bond. She was and is controlling and manipulating. We moved from Florida to get away so she wouldn't be closely involved in our children's lives. Now here she is living with us. She never has been a kid person. To other peoples kids not to hers. She's always been testy at best. Now with her being sick and in constant pain my kids are always running for cover. Huh, as I write this I think I know why I'm puking every day.
Well that's enough of me, me, me for now. I need to go harvest my crops in Farm Town. Over and out.

Monday, June 8, 2009

LOVES LABOURS LOST

Last week was so busy that I didn't think we'd make it through the week without many meltdowns. But we did and with all of our sanity in tact. Monday was our slow day. We actually got to stay home and do school work. Tuesday mom had to be at the cancer center for 7:30 and we were just supposed to be there for a couple of hours and it turned into seven. Or maybe it was six. I can't remember now. Tuesday night we had a town meeting and I had to be there to speak for Parks and Rec because I'm on the Board of Parks and Rec. I brought the kids with me and they played outside at the park. We didn't get out of there until after 8:30. The meeting actually got done way before that but then there is always a meeting outside after. (For those assholes who won't stand up and say what they want inside) Wednesday wasn't too bad, just soccer practice in the evening. Thursday we laid around all day (after our schoolwork was finished) to prepare ourselves to go to a play my cousin was going to be in. The girls and I went to dinner and to see L in Loves Labours Lost by Shakespeare. She played a wonderful man. The only problem was the darn thing took forever. Three hours!!!! Everything was way over the girls heads though they did learn a few new words to add to there repertoire. What a great group of kids that put on this play and they were all home schoolers! I didn't even know stuff like this existed around here. The girls are very excited to try out next year for a part in a play.
We left the play at 9:50pm. I was in Winthrop and it was almost an hours ride to get home. The kids were cranky and wanted to sleep so I let them but I had to wake them up to go into Walmart because we had to have stuff for a picnic lunch Friday. Chrissy is a real trouper but Marian cried the whole time we were in the store. I'm very surprised someone didn't call the police on me.
Friday we had to be out of the house before eight. We went to Leonard's Mills. Which is supposed to be a replica of an old logging town. The people dress in period clothing and you get to make butter and venison stew with them. I can honestly say I had a perfectly sucky time. The mosquito's were so bad that if they sucked fat instead of blood I'd weigh nothing at all.
And this old man. This old man told me NO LESS THAN TEN TIMES THAT I NEED TO MAKE MY SON STOP RUNNING OR HE WOULD GET HURT! I had a few choice words for him.
So we quickly moved on to a game of tug of war. The girls had never played before. Unless you count trying to get your Barbie out of the dogs mouth.
We didn't even eat our lunch there we drove over by a river. I don't know which one. All I know is it was breezy and the bugs weren't biting. By the time we got home we were spent. We made dinner and we were all in bed by eight. This is not the end of our running though but this is a good place to stop for now. I have to make sure everyone is in bed. I haven't been posting lately because I decided if I didn't have anything nice to say I wouldn't say it. But after this weekend I decided FUCK THAT! So later tonight after all are in bed I'll post my next blog and you guys can laugh and cry with me.
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Friday, June 5, 2009

They are keeping it real, I'm not.

I had another post I was working on. It started out really great. I thought I was putting my point across without seeming look I was a whack job. Then I read it. Then I deleted it.
I'm a big chicken. I couldn't write what I was thinking. Partly because I was scared of me, the real me and partly because my brother in law just slammed another one of my posts. He doesn't do it to me. He does it to Dave. He let's Dave know when I need to use spell check, when my pictures are too common and when he thinks I'm talking bad about him. (Dave) He told me he wouldn't do this anymore but he did it any way. So I'm sorry Audrey, I just can't do it today. But I haven't given up hope, someday soon the beast from within will Break on through to the other side! (I just love that song!)
So instead I will blog this very fine evening of a grouping of pictures. Pictures of my crazy girls swimming in my neighbors pool in water that is 62 freezing degrees! Anything to get out of school work.
They had so much fun! It was so nice to see them acting like best friends and sisters. The whole time they were laughing and shrieking (like only little girls can) about who was colder and who didn't get their whole head wet. It amazed me when I downloaded the pictures and looked at them how grown up they were starting to look. The looks they give each other and the ability to read other's mind. The other day they were really going at it. For hours they did nothing but bicker. If Chrissy was singing while she was doing her math, than Mimi would tell her to shut up. If Mimi read her book out loud than Chrissy would tell her to shut up. They couldn't work together let alone be in the same room together. After awhile of this , as you can imagine, I was fed up. My patience snapped when one gave the other a flick when she was walking by. The other one started to cry and I was up and running. As I grabbed the Flicker to open up a can of whoop ass, the Flick-E jumps in between and screams, "NO" "Don't hurt her I didn't mean to cry!" What did she really think I was going to do? The two of them stood together clutching each other saying they were sorry. I proceeded to lecture them on being nice to each other and all that happy crap and they were all, yes mommy, we love you mommy and all that blah, blah, blah, we aren't really listening to you stuff. Finally I just gave in and walked away and I heard one whisper to the other, man I didn't think she'd ever finish, I wonder what has her panties in a bunch.......
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