This is the only picture I took of the lake and it's pretty blurry but it is what it is.
Yesterday I sat down to write a post and I made myself a promise to post everyday for two weeks so I could get back in the swing of things. But I puked and went back to bed instead.
So as of now I'm going to get back in the groove and post more regularly. I know, aren't you just thrilled?
Okay, BS is over and on to mom. She has a huge week. Tomorrow she gets a PET Scan and that will tell us if the cancer has spread or stalled or turned green with dots. We will find out the results on Friday. She also has to have a Muga done again for her heart on Thursday. So my week is full. If I could just stop puking everyday I'd be fine. I will have to say that if I didn't just get over my you know what I would think I was knocked up. It might be all the pressure but I'm not sure. Usually I just break out in hives when I get upset. (Do you know how bad it looks when your angry with your spouse and in the middle of a good Rowe you break out in hives and all you can do is scratch? It's hard to get your point across.)
My mom wants to move into her own place. We have no objections to this with the exception of, will she be fit enough to. She keeps saying when this is all done I will have five years. Denial is what she's in.
Two weeks ago we had a talk about her will (she had none) and it didn't go well. She kept saying she wasn't dead yet. A few days later her girlfriend from Florida called to shame me for giving up on my mom. I told her I had not and she said you know your mom has five years! I started to laugh, I know I'm crazy but what the fuck people!? I said, Joyce, she has cancer in her chest, lymph nodes and liver. A person who doesn't have anything but liver cancer can make it up to five years. Also that person needs to be otherwise healthy. She's not. She then said I know she has five years! Denial is running thick. I than said okay so she has five years. They diagnosed her with cancer again back the end of February, so that would mean now she only has four years eight months. Do you get it? Time marches on. The conversation was pretty much over after that.
We also find out if they are to do more chemo. I don't want her to. Since her forth treatment she has been out of the house just for appointments. Her quality of life sucks and they say she could be a year or more recouping. Take that off the five years and what do you have? Not a fucking thing.
I think what is really bothering me is no matter how much I love my mom, I never really liked her as a person. When I became an adult we didn't become friends. I never shared that special bond. She was and is controlling and manipulating. We moved from Florida to get away so she wouldn't be closely involved in our children's lives. Now here she is living with us. She never has been a kid person. To other peoples kids not to hers. She's always been testy at best. Now with her being sick and in constant pain my kids are always running for cover. Huh, as I write this I think I know why I'm puking every day.
Well that's enough of me, me, me for now. I need to go harvest my crops in Farm Town. Over and out.