Monday, June 15, 2009


Last Thursday the kids and I took a day trip with some friends. I've been sick ever since. It had been raining for the past few days and we were going stir crazy. So when my girlfriend called and asked if we wanted to go to Greenville (otherwise just known as Moosehead) we jumped on it. We got up early had some breakfast and Mimi and I popped some puke pills. It normally takes 1 1/2 hours to get there but I wasn't driving and we made it in an hour. I should of known it was going to end poorly. My stomach was doing flip flops the whole way but because of the pills it didn't bother me. We went swimming and had lunch. Then we drove by this sign and I had to stop and get pictures so you all can see what kinda rednecks we are here.
On the way home stopped for dinner and I shared french fries and gravy with the kids. NEVER eat french fries and gravy if your prone to car sickness and you live in the wilds of Maine. It just wasn't good.
This is the only picture I took of the lake and it's pretty blurry but it is what it is.
Yesterday I sat down to write a post and I made myself a promise to post everyday for two weeks so I could get back in the swing of things. But I puked and went back to bed instead.
So as of now I'm going to get back in the groove and post more regularly. I know, aren't you just thrilled?
Okay, BS is over and on to mom. She has a huge week. Tomorrow she gets a PET Scan and that will tell us if the cancer has spread or stalled or turned green with dots. We will find out the results on Friday. She also has to have a Muga done again for her heart on Thursday. So my week is full. If I could just stop puking everyday I'd be fine. I will have to say that if I didn't just get over my you know what I would think I was knocked up. It might be all the pressure but I'm not sure. Usually I just break out in hives when I get upset. (Do you know how bad it looks when your angry with your spouse and in the middle of a good Rowe you break out in hives and all you can do is scratch? It's hard to get your point across.)
My mom wants to move into her own place. We have no objections to this with the exception of, will she be fit enough to. She keeps saying when this is all done I will have five years. Denial is what she's in.
Two weeks ago we had a talk about her will (she had none) and it didn't go well. She kept saying she wasn't dead yet. A few days later her girlfriend from Florida called to shame me for giving up on my mom. I told her I had not and she said you know your mom has five years! I started to laugh, I know I'm crazy but what the fuck people!? I said, Joyce, she has cancer in her chest, lymph nodes and liver. A person who doesn't have anything but liver cancer can make it up to five years. Also that person needs to be otherwise healthy. She's not. She then said I know she has five years! Denial is running thick. I than said okay so she has five years. They diagnosed her with cancer again back the end of February, so that would mean now she only has four years eight months. Do you get it? Time marches on. The conversation was pretty much over after that.
We also find out if they are to do more chemo. I don't want her to. Since her forth treatment she has been out of the house just for appointments. Her quality of life sucks and they say she could be a year or more recouping. Take that off the five years and what do you have? Not a fucking thing.
I think what is really bothering me is no matter how much I love my mom, I never really liked her as a person. When I became an adult we didn't become friends. I never shared that special bond. She was and is controlling and manipulating. We moved from Florida to get away so she wouldn't be closely involved in our children's lives. Now here she is living with us. She never has been a kid person. To other peoples kids not to hers. She's always been testy at best. Now with her being sick and in constant pain my kids are always running for cover. Huh, as I write this I think I know why I'm puking every day.
Well that's enough of me, me, me for now. I need to go harvest my crops in Farm Town. Over and out.


Stacy D. Briefing said...

Can't imagine why you're tummy is're events this week made me want to puke too!!!

Hope the tests show what you're mom wants to see. If not, maybe the will talk will go a little more favorably. It's a touchy subject for some. I personally think it's just good to let people know what you want done-no one is GUARANTEED a certain amount of time.

At least you are trying with your mom. Makes you a better person than me. I finally had enough. I haven't had any contact with mine for over 10 years now. But, on the flip side-it's been a lovely, peaceful, pukefree, well deserved decade.

carsick said...

Stacy I'm not a better person just different circumstances.
A pukefree decade sounds heavenly

hey my word is pousc hee hee hee

FishermansDaughter said...

When I read stuff like this I SO wished we lived closer together. WTF is up with hubs beyotching about fridge rot when you're ill? Sounds like SOMEONE'S nads need a kickin...I hope your mom rallies, but I'm with you -everyone else is on the Denial Train - I'm really sorry no one is backing you up on getting your mom to make out a will - you need to be knighted or sainted or something'd. Here's wishing you immediate puke free eternities.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Oh sweetie....your last paragraph had me in tears. I love my own mom, but I don't her. She's a complete narcissist and it's just been a huge part of my undoing. Having said that, I couldn't do what you are doing. It makes me an awful person but I could not care for her if she were to get sick. You are amazing, I hope you know that.

Oh hey, lovely word verification word...neeple. WTF is a neeple? A sheep nipple? Or would that be sheeple? Nope, sheeple are people ....never mind. Better shut my mouth whilst I can!

FishermansDaughter said...

I don't know what you saw but when I googled (you know I HAD to) all that came up were pictures of grills.
Hope you're feeling better.
my word verification is SCRATHO - scratch 'ho with a lisp?

Mama Goose said...

I hope you're having a better day today. I can't even imagine all you are dealing with and how you're staying sane. I think the idea of your mother getting her own place is a good one. Might be best for all of you. Thinking of you...

carsick said...

I think I peed myself reading your comment! With a lisp!!!!! Hee hee hee