Friday, June 26, 2009

Just A Long Week


What is it about little boys and wet chins? I tell ya, his chin has been wet since the day he popped out. Also, check out the horrendous haircut. We've been trying to grow it out. Dave took him for a haircut at The Walmart's and the gal used clippers. Now the back of his head has a big ring. It thoroughly disgusted me.

Just when I said I wanted to start blogging more, I got very sick. It started last Thursday after I got home from the concrete pour. It didn't seem like much, just a little cough. By three I was thinking, "Why am I coughing?" By the time Dave got home I met him at the door in tears. I'm sick again I wailed! Around eight that night I was coughing so hard I asked Dave if he could pick my uterus up. I think it just shot out between my kankles.

I really didn't have time to be sick again and besides I just got better. Plus my mom was going to find out Friday morning if the chemo worked. I didn't think I was nervous about it but apparently I was. At midnight I was still awake with heart palpation's and a feeling like I was going to puke. I knew my mom was nervous too. I could hear her pacing in her room. Earlier that evening she said she felt small. She said,"For someone as large as I am, I feel so small." I never even tried to go to bed.

Friday we were up and at it early. On the way to Augusta we talked of everything but what the Dr. would or might say. Finally we were in the room and the Dr. came in. It felt like forever. Between coughing and feeling like I was going to heave I wanted to shake him and scream 'Tell us it's better!" But it wasn't. The chemo didn't work, not at all. As a matter of fact her cancer is worse. She now has a minute spot on her right lung and they don't want to test it for fear that if it is cancer the needle will spread it. The lymph nodes all have the same amount of cancer in them and now cancer is not in just the left side of her liver but in the right also. My mom and the Dr. started talking new chemo and I put a halt to it. I said we need three weeks to see if my mom gets her strength back. This poor woman, my mom, has had no life. Zach, zilch, nada. But still she wants to try something new, something full of magic that will give her some hope. Its heartbreaking. Liver cancer can not be cured. One time a good friend of ours was going out on a lobster boat with some other friends. He noticed there were no life vests aboard and being an avid boater he asked why and the boat captain calmly said, "Why prolong the agony." That is how I feel about more chemo at this point.

Should she have more chemo. Should should just dope herself up on meds and live the rest of her life seeing everything she can til the money is gone. I don't know.

I also mentioned to her Dr. that mom has been looking at houses and the Dr. looked at her like she was crazy and said he wouldn't buy anything. He told her not to do anything right now because her future is so uncertain. That was hard for her to hear.

So here we are, still more questions than answers.....

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5 comments:

Stacy D. Briefing said...

I'm so sorry!!! I know it wasn't the news anyone wanted to hear.

I guess every individual's wants and needs are different. My MIL had cancer on her lung, rapidly spread and wrapped around her heart. She underwent chemo. Was taking a billion different meds and all to no avail. She wanted to try at all costs, even though the doctor told her she had months at most. She went for 2nd-3rd opinions etc. She just refused to believe she couldn't conquer it.

I don't KNOW that I would accept it any better. But, I'd like to THINK I would just opt for drugs to keep me comfy and enjoy what little time I had left-instead of submitting myself to more pain and suffering. But, again I guess it's all up to the individual.

I hope ya'll can find a solution that works out best for everyone. My prayers are with you. Please take care of yourself too!!!

FishermansDaughter said...

I don't know how the hell he does it but that kid just keeps getting CUTER! I don't think his hair looks bad - but I take my kids to Super Sluts and actually MAKE them use clippers, so consider the source. For someone who is sick, you sure are funny. I nearly died laughing over the "uterus shooting out between your cankles" comment. That's 'effing hilarious. So sorry to hear about your mom - you called it right from the start. I'm glad the doctor was at least honest enough to advise her against buying anything. I can't imagine the amount of stress you must be under and wish there was something I could do to help out. Keep laughing babe. ((HUGGS)) PS I wrote JUGS first, BWAHAHAHA!!!

Frank said...

:(

I lost my grandpa almost 5 years ago. He'd had prostate cancer for years beforehand, but eventually he just said enough was enough and quit with the treatments. He spent his last days trying to live as comfortably as he could. I agree with your "why prolong the agony?" sentiment. I'd rather have, say, 3 months in relative comfort rather than a year of pain. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Mama Goose said...

Oh Sweetie, I'm sorry I'm only seeing this now... Not that I can offer much except an "I know, I've been there" nod.

And FD is SO right: You must embrace it and keep the laughter close. It's the best medicine there is.

I hope you and your mother can find the peace you all need.I'm thinking of you and praying for something positive...

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I dont know what I would do, were I in your shoes.

Well, yes I do. I 'd feel the same exact way. Especially if it were my mother and knowing, as I do, because I've been through this myself with breast cancer, that if the latest round of chemo hasn't done anything, and the cancer is spreading, then more chemo or even radiation is going to make the time left, suck.

If this were me, and I know full well that it's not, I'd opt for making the best of whatever time is left with my mom and trying to obtain the best palliative care possible.

However, I also know my mom...and I know she'd fight me tooth and nail on it.

*sigh*

Lets have coffee soon! Email me!