Sunday, September 13, 2009

Moms Apartment

I posted pictures awhile back of mom's new place but didn't post any after she moved in. Nice TV huh? Rock, paper, scissors, BABY!!!!
I know I'm twisted. What a view she has. I sit at her computer and try to blog but I can't concentrate because of all the action outside the windows. I could sit forever and watch. Not because it's peaceful or exciting, but because I'm nosey and like to watch the people get pulled over. I'm kind of weird like that.
She has such a wonderful open space. See that big picture on the wall? I DID NOT rock, paper, scissors that. My mom loves that picture so much that she hung it all by herself. Yes she did. I didn't even ask how she did it. I'm sure with enough morphine in your blood stream you can do just about anything. (Except drive, you only think you can.)
She has stainless steel appliances, which I can't stand. I can never get the foot marks off of them. Drives me crazy. Her doors drive me crazy too. They are eight footers. I have to get a step stool to wipe them down. I don't know why I feel the need to wipe down her doors. You should see mine, fingerprints, dirt and bloody boogers galore. EWWWW

We had a long weekend. Or I guess I should say, I had a long weekend with my mom. After working at the fair Friday night and the whole day Saturday I was beat. I went to mom's and got her something to eat and gave her pills. Then I sat down beside her and told her we had to talk. She had been crying. From the looks of her she cried most of the day. She asked me why the doctor wouldn't tell her what was going on. I really didn't want to have this conversation with her. As a matter of fact I had been avoiding it for two weeks. Now I wasn't going to be able to squirm out of it. Damn I thought.

mom: Why won't the doctor tell us why I'm so sick and in so much pain?
me: Okay mom, it's like this, um, we have to be honest here. You know?
mom: okay.
me: You know how you have more spots coming through your skin under your arm?
mom: yes.
me: You know how your shoulder hurts and none of the fluid will drain from your arm?
mom: yes.
me: You and I both know what that is, don't we mom?
mom: (crying) Yes, it's the cancer.
me: Yes mom, I too think that it's the cancer. I also think that we both know that the cancer is spreading faster than we anticipated. Do you think that too?
mom: Why can't I just shut my eyes and go to sleep and not wake up?
me: I don't know mom, (now I'm bawling) maybe God thinks you have some unfinished business here to take care of.
mom: I just want to go.

Now this is real life people. The stuff they don't tell you in school.....
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FishermansDaughter said...

I can't imagine how impossible it must be - forced to have a conversation like this. You are an awesome daughter and exemplary human being.

Frank said...

That's such a painful conversation. I remember one of the last times I talked with my grandpa before he died of cancer, he said, "I hope this is all over with soon...I'm tired of being such a burden on everyone." I was 17 at the time, and that was the most heartbreaking and brutally honest thing anyone had ever said to me.

Stacy D. Briefing said...

Not a dry eye in the house after that conversation. You handled it beautifully...

Good luck today with all the lawyer/paperwork details.

Mama Goose said...

Holy shit Melissa. You are the strongest person I know. Now I'm bawling too. At work.

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

I can't imagine having to have a conversation like that with my own mom...especially as painful as that was to read, I can only assume it must have been excruciating to have.

You have the strength of a warrior. A gentle loving warrior.