Monday, September 28, 2009

Wish I was sitting on the Dock Of The Bay

I've been trying to get up enough juice for the last week to Blog. I just couldn't do it until now. But now I just don't know what to write. So much has happened but at the same time life seems to have stood still.
So here's a summery of what's been going on. I will try to make it brief but hey we all know I like to ramble.

Mom is still alive. Barely
We believe she had a stroke two Fridays past. At that point they didn't feel she'd make the weekend but didn't tell me that until after she'd made it the weekend.
In light of that my sister drove up from Jersey. My brother also flew in from Nevada. Which I found out I pronounce incorrectly. PS, it is scary to watch your mom have a stroke!!!!
After speaking to all parties involved it still seemed like mom was holding back dying. So in a conversation with her I found that she wanted to see my father one last time.

Now the dynamics of this whole thing are incredible. My father lives in Florida. For him to come and come quickly is a big deal, and would he do it? They have been divorced for eighteen years and have only seen each other once in that time. Now my mom and dad have not seen my brother in twenty years. Are you getting the picture here? I had also not seen my brother in that period but talk to him quite a bit.

So after talking with mom I went out in the hall of her apartment building where no one could hear me and I called my dad.
Me: Dad?
Dad: Yes honey.
Me: Mom is close to dying but we think she has some unfinished business to take care of first.
Dad: Oh?
Me: Dad, do you think you could come?
Dad: I'll call you back as soon as I confirm reservations.
Me: I'm sorry dad, I know you didn't want to do this. (me blubbering)
Dad: It's okay, I've been expecting this call.
Me: I love you, Bye.
Dad: I love you too.

My dad and his wife flew in late the next night. The next morning my dad came to visit with my mom and his wife went with Dave and the kids to watch Mimi's soccer game and then on to an apple orchard to pick apples and tour the farm. They also learned how to make apple juice. My kids already knew this but my dad's wife was born and raised in the Tampa area so this was really great for her. She also didn't interfere with anything, just gave everyone her support. She said to me that it was a shame that my parents never could be friends. She didn't know my mom.

I've read a few books on dying and I believe my mom will die within two weeks. Maybe sooner. Her oxygen is at eightyfour percent right now. She breathes hard and has been sleeping all day. Which makes up for her being up all night last night. (For the second night in a row) Last night I couldn't get her to stay in bed no matter how hard I tried. She is a large woman and if she falls I can't get her back to bed. It was ugly. After many calls to the night nurse I gave up and said I'll just sit and watch her the rest of the night. This morning a new nurse called me and I asked her what could be done about mom getting up (she can't support her weight) because I was worried about her falling. She told me if I couldn't reason with my mom and couldn't medicate her properly with what I had here for her than they would put her in the hospital. She was bitchy while saying this.
I replied in a SUPER nasty voice: If they put her in the hospital they will drug her so she doesn't get out of bed. So you had best send someone over here today to re access her and her medications so she doesn't get out of bed here. Do you understand? She must have because the apartment was a flurry of nurses and doctors coming in and out. Hopefully my mom will be comfortable now and not feel the need to keep getting up. The bad part is now she'll have to wear adult diapers and I'll have to change them. Eww. My sister said I can blog about the first poopy one I change but only after I tell her about it first. So you have that to keep you on the edge of your seats!

Dave and I are back on schedule of me staying at my moms full time and him bringing me the kids before he goes to work and picking them up on his way home. It seems to be coming routine because today Dane took a nap for the first time here.
I have more to say but my jaw hurts. Over and Out. Or Peace Out. Or Bye.............


FishermansDaughter said...

Oh Darlin'- How stressful and terrible. How wonderful of your father to come. Good for you for getting right back in that nurses face - it's hard to advocate but, I'm proud of you. Is that weird? I think about you every day and check here for updates. Thanks so much for writing - I know it's not easy. Your mother is so lucky to have you.

Philly said...

Ditto on what FishermansDaughter said. I was thinking of you yesterday while at the hospital all day with my Dad. It's tough and they are fighters.


KimberlyDi said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to update. I've been worried and I'm still worried about you. Your dad was wonderful to drop everything and come over.


Stacy D. Briefing said...

I'm so glad to hear you have your Sister, Brother and Dad all there now. I hope it helps lighten your load somewhat.

I think you are amazingly strong and definitely define grace under pressure. Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers.

Mama Goose said...

Thank you for the updates. I hope it helps to write it down. I've been thinking of you constantly. FD is so right that your mother is lucky to have you. Stay strong.

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

I really can't add anything to the above sentiments. This must be so surreal for you in many ways. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and your mother, with that nurse. Just because it makes life easier for those in health care positions, that's NOT what's important. It's what's best for your mom and those who are with her 24/ and your siblings.


Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.