Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's all about the Cream Cheese

Our household had been sick. Very sick. If I ever complained about how sick my family has ever been, trust me it's nothing compared to this past few weeks. This little guy, for instance, started puking in the van the Monday after Halloween. His sister caught it or tried to with her own hands. (Then shortly after, she started puking.) My van still smells even though I've gone out almost every day and scrubbed. I even took the seats out (heavy friggers they are) overnight to air them out. That's when the fun really started. One of the barn cats decided to urinate on one of them. Now I'm cleaning cat piss and puke smell.

As you can see, it's apparent we have no rules at out house. You want a bagel? You just get it. You want cream cheese, you get it. You don't need to ask. You just push the chair over and climb up and in. It doesn't matter that mom said no. Who needs rules? Rules are for wimps.

We thought the dreaded H1N1 had struck our home. Dane was sick and Mimi followed. For over a week they coughed, sneezed and puked. Then everything seemed to get better. But I was wrong, VERY,VERY wrong. I started to get a sore throat, my sinus's felt like they were going to explode and then Mimi got it again. The worst part was Dave. He was out of town for the whole week. There was no one to take care of me! Yes, ME, Dammit! I had to suck it up. Fend off intruders (now that's another story I'll talk about soon) get up everyday, teach school, blow my nose at least a gazillion times. But then as fast as I got sick I felt sort of better. (I still feel like crap, but functioning crap)
Now Mimi on the other hand just got worse. So Friday afternoon I did the dreaded. I took her to the doctor. Who sent her for a chest x-ray. Which came back fine but in the process Mimi got a funky rash down the front of her chest and down her back. Okay, I thought, she has a fever, this can happen. Well then the doctor calls back and explains she has been in council with two other doctors in her practice and they would like Mimi to go see the Pediatrician on call at the hospital. Marian has had specific pain in her back and neck and since her lungs were clear and she didn't have strep they were concerned of her having something else. Like meningitis. Or Epstein Barr. Did you know that Epstein is Mono? Who knew? So back to the hospital we went. All the while my poor husband was trying to get home. He had hell flights. He had to change planes three times. Every time he landed and called I told him more bad news.
Some people sky-dive for thrills. We don't have health insurance. You don't need to jump out of a plane to make your heart thump out of your chest, just have a sick kid and an emergency room visit.
Things I learned over the past few days. Marian is fine. Sort of. She has H1N1, probably. Did you know that the test for H1N1 takes between three and five days to process? Did you know that Tamaflu, the "miracle" for H1N1 has to be given in the first forty-eight hours of getting it in order for it to work. The doctors are not even testing for H1N1. They are just giving out the drug. Why,? Because people are demanding it. They are panicking. Thats all I have to say about that. Except we did not take the Tamaflu. No test, no drugs. That's how I roll baby.
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Friday, November 20, 2009


I don't think I've ever been so happy that Friday is finally here. Except maybe when I was twenty one and I was going bar hopping. But that was a different time.
We have had an extremely long week here in Kennebec. It started a week and a half ago with Dane getting sick. We just got him on the right track and I came down with it and within a day Mimi has got this vile thing. AGH!
I don't like being sick. I know, no one does. For me though, I act like a baby. I want to be held and spoon fed. I want the world to stop and comfort me. (Meaning I want my husband to stop everything he's doing and care for me.) That didn't happen for me though. Why? Why? Because DAVE'S NOT HERE!
Where is he? He's far away. Too far away to be of any comfort to me. Too far away to run and get me Ginger Ale. Too far away to tell me if my head is hot. Too far away to listen to my complaining that I'm sick every hour.
My darling husband in in Omaha. He'll fly back home tonight but the airport in an hour and a half from home so it will probably be the wee hours before he gets in. I can't wait! I have a weeks worth of whining to do.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Well I finally pulled off the rest of my fake fingernails. It was a tough job. I am now missing most of my pinky fingernail and the rest of my nails look like crap. My only options going into the holidays are to either get them done again or don't care. (As I'm typing this my daughter asked me why I keep nodding my head? Maybe she should just go back to her math and stop watching me. Nothing in this house is sacred.)
We don't have any Christmas parties to go to anyway. That is the one thing I miss about living in Florida. We had many friends. Starting the weekend after Thanksgiving right up until New Years Eve we partied every weekend.
Not that we don't have friends here in Maine. People in Maine are some of the kindest and most generous you'll ever meet. You just have to drive over an hour to see them. Actually you have to drive further than that in most cases. But I know with these friends I could just show up and say "We're Here!" and everyone would be happy. This weekend I'm going to meet a new friend. She feels like an old friend. But we've never met in person before. I'm so excited I feel like I'm going to puke. Well, maybe I feel like I'm going to puke because I have this dratted flu. It will all be gone by Thursday though. I'm willing it away. The last time we were going to meet up I had to move in with my mom and then my mom died. So I don't have anymore moms to take care of so we should be all set. Unless she gets sick.
We aren't going anywhere for Thanksgiving this year. We rarely go out on holidays. We have invited our neighbor over as we do every year. A long time ago in the third year of our marriage and after being run ragged by our families we started to lie to everyone. We would get bombarded with Thanksgiving Day invations and like Christmas spend the day running all over to please everyone. So we started to tell everyone we had plans. Yeah, we had plans alright, plans to be alone. We would turn the phone off and pull the curtains shut and have the day to ourselves. Just the three of us. Even though we had dinner together all the time, Thanksgiving was always special. Now Kadie is grown up, I can't tell here to be here. If she wants to be with Grand Master B I have to accept it. Though it makes me sad. Also because I refuse to accept her not being here at Christmas. She did that one year in her rebellious stage. We let it ruin our whole day. Now if she tried to pull that shit I'd hunt her done and drag her sorry arse back here. That's right Kadie, I mean you. Until your married and have children your expected to be here Christmas Eve. No matter what. You know the rules. When you have children then you can stay home. We will bring our band of merrymen to you. Hee hee

So what is everyone else doing for Thanksgiving? What are you Thankful for? In this world right now all there is is bad news (except for those terrorests that are going on trial in New York, they are loving our country now.)

Sunday, November 15, 2009


At our house, and I'm sure at yours too, our kids put on shows for us. Wonderful, funny, and sometimes ear- plugging shows.
Recently we had one.
The girls are practicing for the Christmas service at Church. They have the CD and the words on paper and practice faithfully. Much to our dismay. You see, our girls, they are tone deaf. It really isn't their fault. It's mine I suppose but I don't have the heart to crush their little hopes and dreams of becoming Miley Cirus. So we say nothing and smile and wish we had another glass of wine to dull the ringing in our ears.
For this show Marian applied a liberal about of sparkly lotion to her face. It shines like a good sheen of sweat. They continuously fought for the microphone. The show even had a wardrobe change in Dane's closet. They are in Dane's room.
I think what I love about them putting on shows is how they work together as a team. They sang and danced but most of all they laughed. Big belly busting laughs that made everyone laugh.

See up at the top right hand corner. (the picture of the Bose Radio) I bought that for Dave one Christmas many many moons ago. I used to take it with us where ever we went cause I was afraid that it being the nicest thing in the house, if someone broke in they would have to steal it. It was the nicest thing we owned. I know I have issues. I took it from Dave and gave it to Dane. I am an Indian Giver. I also took Dave;s leather rocker recliner and put it in Dane's room so when I sat with him at night I would be comfortable. Dave gets no respect sometimes. But I sure like sitting in that chair late at night. Lately Danes been really sick (I don't know if it's H1N1 or not) and I've spent much time sitting in that chair worrying about his breathing or if he's going to explode out of one end or the other. Sometimes it's both ends. Thankfully he's coming around. Today he ate an entire container of strawberries. He wanted more but I gave him some oatmeal instead. I also did something I said I would do, I bought Ovaltine to put in his milk. I've been so worried that he's not eating very well and I just bought it. An impulse buy. I'm not regretting it either. Even the girls like it so I'm going to go with it for now. Do your kids drink it? Or do you? Do you think it's a bad idea to start Dane on this? I wonder if he'll drink milk without it ever again.
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Thursday, November 12, 2009

B is for Booger, That's good enough to eat........

It's StoryTime!!!!!!!

Some people have already heard this story but I believe it should be told again. Why, because everytime I tell it makes me laugh so hard I feel like I'm going to pee. Not that I like that feeling but I do like to laugh.

Our youngest daughter was about three. She had a bad cold and thick green snot pouring from both sides of her nose. It was gross, I remember it like yesterday. Well she kept digging at her nose and then her hand would wipe across her mouth. That's the way it is with kids. They are gross. They are dirty and you would do anything for them not to be sick.
I also worried that if she picked her nose and rubbed her eyes she'd get the dreaded pink eye. If you get pink eye in this house, mom and dad pay a babysitter big bucks and they go stay in a hotel until it's past. (To this day when Kadie rubs her eyes Dave and I cringe.

Getting on with this, I would never call myself a bad mother, I don't believe I am. What I am is questionable.
Marian had boogers, I may or may not have seen one go in her mouth. I plead the fifth. It was a long time ago. So I grabbed her little hand and as I washed it and sang the ABC's I explained to her that if she ate a booger her tongue would turn black and rot off. If you recall, I'm the mom who placed Tickle Me Elmo and Billy The Marlin in places that I didn't want the kids because they were scared of them. Now I never gave it another thought. Not once, not ever.
Fast forward to now. My recently turned nine year old has a bad cold. Her nose is runny and crap is draining down the back of her throat. She has been walking around for days with a hand held mirror. I didn't know why. Two nights ago Chrissy comes to me and says, please tell Mimi that it's not true. I say what's not true? She says that your tongue won't rot and fall off if you eat boogers. What I say? Then I remember. I can't believe that she even remebers this. So I'm like Mimi, what are you talking about?
Mimi: Remember, you told me my tongue would turn black and rot.
Me: I said that when you were three.
Mimi: (very angry) Why would you say that?
Me: Because I didn't want you to eat boogers.
Mimi: No, mom why would you say something so mean. All this time I thought that was true.
Me: I can't contain myself. I'm laughing and can't even talk. The look she's giving me is one of a kind.
Chrissy then piped in to say, "She's been carring that mirror around all week checking to see if her throat is turning black cause the snot is running down it."
Oh my Gosh! I laughed until I cried and then called Dave so we could both laugh and Mimi went to her room and slammed thr door. Now that's why you have kids!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I don't know why I couldn't make this picture larger. I did try. It's a picture of Dave, his mom and one of his many cousins. Dave and Dane look alike. My goodness.

Dave's mom was beautiful. Everything that I'm not. Tall, Dark and a smile that could leave you breathless.

Sadly, I never got to meet his mom. She died just after her forty third birthday of a heart attack. Dave was twenty three. He hadn't spoken to her in a few weeks. They lived in different states.

I didn't really know my husband then. I was in our I'm avoiding you like the plague stage.

 I can't imagine what he must have went through. I know that to this day, every once in awhile something reminds him of his mom and makes him laugh.

Even though we never got to meet, "Grammy Janice who lives in Heaven with Baby Jesus" She'll always be remembered. Dane shares her birthday on Valentine's Day. Chrissy's hair is the same color and feels like his moms hair. (He remembers how his mom's hair feels to this day) And Marian gives the same looks that his mom used to give. So through the kids he'll always see her.

I really don't know where I'm going with all of this, I guess I woke up today and thought I don't have it that bad and it's time to move on. I did all I could and that's it. No regrets.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Miss My Mom (Even though she drove me crazy)

This has been a real bitch of a week. I've spent more time blubbering than anything. My birthday was Thursday and I started crying Wednesday night. I haven't been able to stop. It's really stressing everyone out. The kids are really stressed out. Poor Dane thinks that crying all the time is normal. I hate to cry. It's a sign of weekness. It really is. I mean everyone is entitled to a good cry but crying daily. AGH!
Yesterday, after I spent most of the day doing nothing but being a cry baby Dave asked me if I could fake it, just for the kids. (Being my old self) I started to laugh. Fake it, yeah right. I tried to fake a you know what once and got caught. Meg Ryan I'm not. If I can't fake that, I sure can't fake being happy.
I don't know why I have been so depressed about this. I'm always bullet proof. Hard core. So this is really throwing me for a curve. I've been avoiding my friends and family. I think I even lost a friend. I'm not sure how but we used to see each other at least three times a week and talk everyday on the phone. We have not spoken since I moved in with my mom. She sent an email telling me she couldn't go to the Memorial Service. I just don't understand.
Also the scattering of my moms ashes was horrible. It rained like a son of a gun and so we didn't climb the mountain. We only scattered a few hand fulls and next spring we will do the rest. Have I already told you guys this? I tell you I don't know if I'm coming or going.
The good news is, that it's getting colder, that's not the good news, the good news is we have eighteen cords of wood to keep are backsides warm! We have been out cutting, splitting and stacking. We still have a long way to go unless we get right on it. Which we will. If I can ever stop crying.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

He Likes CAKE

There is no doubt in any of our minds that we are going to have to keep Dane active. He likes cake. He likes candy. He likes chips and dip. He likes pudding. Ice cream, Popsicles, fudge and anything else he can reach or push a chair to climb up to get his big mitts on. And cookies, let us not forget the cookies!
Dane has done an about face with his eating habits since my mom died. Oh, he's always loved the junk, but he always ate fruits and veggies. Now meal time is a battle zone and I'm Hitler.
Some other changes in my boy are his ability to repeat EVERYTHING he hears. Case and point. One recent evening after I put him to bed (and he didn't want to go to bed) he yelled down in a possessed voice (Mooooommmm, get your ass up here now!!!) and I did. He also speaks of dying all the time. Things like, "If you don't let me watch TB (V) I will die you. Or, while playing with his sisters and not getting his own way he will scream, "You die and neber come back!" Isn't this just what every mother wants to hear from her two year old? Sigh
Yes, my children all stand on their chairs while they eat cake. I think they get it from their father. But maybe not.
Truly, Dane is a good boy. He just needs his mother to get it together and get it together I will. Today is a new day and the sun is shining.

Other Dane funnies.....
Dane pees off the porch, I've told you all that, but now his aim is much better. He can now hit the cat with his stream. Also sometimes the stream is so powerful he can hit the wheel of my car. He has also walked up to his sister and and declared, "I pee on you." and does. Now, if he's naked they immediately help him finds something to wear. Being urinated on is not a fetish they care to partake in.
My favorite is when he had just woken from his nap and had removed his diaper but we had not put undies on him. I was baking when he came in the kitchen, I was also talking to Dave on the phone. Dane pulled a chair to the fridge and climbed in. (He had a cup and was going to get a drink.) We have a fridge that has the pull out freezer on the bottom. So, I'm talking to Dave, and Dane is getting a drink and is wearing nothing but a shirt. All of a sudden he starts to say in a desperate voice, mommy, mommy, oohhhh, I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry and there was my boy, peeing in the fridge. It needed to be cleaned (Bleached) anyway. Who needs asparagus? It was actually quite comical as I grabbed his a flung open the door to hold him off the porch. I'm laughing my backside off and explaining to Dave what happened and my ever practical husband said to me, "Why would you let him pee in the refrigerator?" Yeah? Why would I?
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Monday, November 2, 2009

A Breather

Last Friday the kids and I took a road trip. We landed here at my friend Lisa's house. Lisa and I have been friends for twenty six years. Oh Lord, I feel old just saying that. We have one of those friendships that will stand the test of time. When I lived in Florida we only got to see and talk to each other sporadically. That's what happens when your working and raising kids.
We were both thrilled with my move back to Maine. The bad part is, it take four hours to get to her house from mine. So we still don't get to see each other as much as we would like.
She has boys and the youngest one is fifteen. So she was thrilled when the girls asked her to help them get ready for Halloween. Chrissy just loves visiting Lisa. She is a great cook and no matter what she asks her to make she always seems to have the ingredients on hand and makes it seem so effortless. Her Hot Fudge Sundae Cake is out of this world. I'm making it for my own birthday. Then I'm going to hide in the barn and eat the whole thing myself.
Marian doesn't like "stuff" on her face so she settled for butterflies. Which she made herself. I just love this kid!
So how do they look? A Motley Crew if I ever saw one! We had a great time and got a lot of loot. I ran into people I have not seen in more years than I care to count. The strange thing was they knew who I was. They were like Oh My Gosh You look The Same! That was weird.
So what did you guys do? Anything funny happen? Anyone get drunk and puke in the punch bowl?
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