This has been a real bitch of a week. I've spent more time blubbering than anything. My birthday was Thursday and I started crying Wednesday night. I haven't been able to stop. It's really stressing everyone out. The kids are really stressed out. Poor Dane thinks that crying all the time is normal. I hate to cry. It's a sign of weekness. It really is. I mean everyone is entitled to a good cry but crying daily. AGH!
Yesterday, after I spent most of the day doing nothing but being a cry baby Dave asked me if I could fake it, just for the kids. (Being my old self) I started to laugh. Fake it, yeah right. I tried to fake a you know what once and got caught. Meg Ryan I'm not. If I can't fake that, I sure can't fake being happy.
I don't know why I have been so depressed about this. I'm always bullet proof. Hard core. So this is really throwing me for a curve. I've been avoiding my friends and family. I think I even lost a friend. I'm not sure how but we used to see each other at least three times a week and talk everyday on the phone. We have not spoken since I moved in with my mom. She sent an email telling me she couldn't go to the Memorial Service. I just don't understand.
Also the scattering of my moms ashes was horrible. It rained like a son of a gun and so we didn't climb the mountain. We only scattered a few hand fulls and next spring we will do the rest. Have I already told you guys this? I tell you I don't know if I'm coming or going.
The good news is, that it's getting colder, that's not the good news, the good news is we have eighteen cords of wood to keep are backsides warm! We have been out cutting, splitting and stacking. We still have a long way to go unless we get right on it. Which we will. If I can ever stop crying.