Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Part 2 The Fate Meeting

A few months ago I'm watching T.V. and the phone rings. Dave goes to answer it and runs it over to me. The Id said- Sperm Donor. I almost crapped my pants.

So I answer the phone and he hangs up.

He calls again. And hangs up when I answer. Dave and I just look at each other and I don't even remember what we said. I'm sure it wasn't nice. I mean why is he hanging up. Doesn't he know that everyone has caller id?

He calls again and when I answer he asks me if I am Melissa Phillips because he can't pronounce the last name. (Thats what he said, I swear to God) Before he can stumble on I cut him off and say, "Yes Sperm Donor it's me."

I don't really remember the whole conversation. The jist of it was, his sort of girlfriend found me on Facebook.

I knew that this day would come. I just didn't expect it to be then.
My mom was very sick at this point and we had quite a bit of stress. Kadie didn't need this now.
S.D. went on tho tell me that he had a bad ticker and didn't know how long he had to live. He had been brought back three times aleady. He's on full disability and doesn't get out much. He also went on to say that he still smokes pot, butts and loves his Mad Dog.
I politely tell him that he can leave his phone number with me and I would pass it on to Kadie and if he heard from her then he did and if he didn't well he didn't.

Kadie did end up calling him. She didn't really want to. (Maybe she just told me that to make me feel better after all she voted Obama and told me she voted differently) But I did tell her that if he did drop dead than she'd have regrets.

Two weeks later after leaving the cancer center with my mom, Kadie, my mom and I went to Target. Now we are not in our home town. As we go through the doors we split up. I go with my mom and Kadie goes to get cat litter.
About five minutes pass and Kadie calls my cell phone. I answer.
Me: What!? Are you so lazy you can't walk around and find us?
Kadie: Um, can you come here?
Me: What? Why?
Kadie: I'm in the kitty litter aisle talking to Dingy, Dummy and Ditzy.
Me: WHAT!???? I'll be right there!

Dingy, Dummy and Ditzy are SD's sisters and mom. Well they are all his sisters. His mom gave SD and his younger sister to her parents when they were small because her husband was killed in the war. He was drunk and fell off the back of a tank and got run over. She thought she was too young to be a mom and split. So actually she was talking to his mom and aunts.
So I go over and they are all excited and launch into a story about one of the dingbats having to pee and that they are on their way out of state (they live hours from this store) and they decided to stop here because the restroom might be cleaner that somewhere else. Blah blah blah
They said they were behind us coming in and they saw me and KNEEEWWWW it was me. So instead of saying hey Melissa, the followed Kadie to the kitty litter aisle to ambush her.
Kadie told me that she was standing and looking at the kitty litter and she saw these three woman staring at her. Not only that but they were gigggling and edging closer to her. She proceeded to ignore them until one said, you probably don't remember me (why the fuck should she? She hasn't seen these woman since she was six months old) but I'm you Aunt Dingy. They then whip out cell phones and ask if they can take pictures of her. At this point she excuses herself and calls me.
We all had a nice little chat where they told Kadie how beautiful she was and blah blah blah and they couldn't wait to show SD pictures. Thay also kept saying that it was fate.
I must say that Kadie and I thought that this was one of the weirdest frigging things that has ever happened to us. And we've had some weird stuff happen.
To be cont.

Monday, January 25, 2010

I just don't know

For me to say that I've been doing well since my mother died would be a big fat lie. It has messed with every single aspect of my life. No longer can I laugh things off or smoothe over hurt feeling between the kids, I just don't seem to care. Don't get me wrong I want to. I really do. Every day I either step forward or back. If it doesn't go my way I look for someone to blame. Mostly Dave and sometimes the kids.

Ever since my mom walked through our door a year ago last Decemember our homeschool life went to hell in a handbasket. I can't get it back. Everyday it's a new fight to learn. When I finally get one on track the other one starts in. To the point where we are all screaming and hating. This past weekend I spent most of the weekend working on lesson plans. I was so excited. We had some fun stuff planned. We get up this morning and my oldest child at home decided that it didn't matter that she said we'd start today fresh today. No fighting. We all agreed and signed a paper last night. By 8:30 this morning I wanted to hang myself. (a figure of speech)

So I did what I swore I would never do. I marched their little asses over to the local school and started the enrollment process. Some how they think it will be easier there. So now they get to find out. I can be nothing if not accomodating. One of my biggest reasons for teaching at home was I didn't want the girls around such chaos. It's hard enought to learn but to have to under constant turmoil is crazy. But then I looked in the mirror. I didn't really like what I saw. Here at home the one safe place my kids have is under constant turmoil. Caused by me.

So if I can find their birth certifacates (which I can't) they will start by the end of the week. Maybe sooner. I have over nighted for new ones. I'm sure the ones I have here at home will turn up right after I get the new ones.

I probably won't blog too much this week as I am feeling very sorry for myself. Hopefully our family will jump right back on track. Change is good. Though I'd rather have it in my pocket.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

When The Time Comes

It's hard being a single mom. I didn't like it at all. I was very happy to meet Dave and marry him. Even though I had already met a Mr. Right, he was wrong. Very wrong. Kadie grew up as an only child until she was eleven. Then baby Tina was born. We called her Tina until she came to us one day and said call me Chrissy. Anyway, this is about Kadie.
I didn't have a good relationship with her, well, we'll just call him sperm donor. Or S.D. S.D. and I fought constantly. Violently. When your a teenager you think you can change the world. I thought I could change S.D. I had to learn the hard way that you can't change a person. Either you except them or you get the hell away from them.
The first two years of Kadies life were full of restraining orders and court dates. For some reason even though S.D. didn't show up to court on restraining order charges (in which the judge granted) the judge still would give S.D. partial custody. Oddly enough the judge never ordered him to pay child support either. Even though S.D. never even saw her unless his family was bugging him to. Finally after a brutal fight between us with witnesses all around, he struck me in public. I knew he was very intoxicated and wouldn't be able to control himself and I figured it would be worth the beating I might get. It was. I received a full restraining order on him that included Kadie too. Three days before it expired I moved to Florida with my parents. I didn't even tell my best friend I was moving. People knew my parents were moving but unless you were family no one knew I was.

I never received a penny from S.D. Kadie never asked about him. She called my dad, dad most of the time.
We lived in Florida for a year before I met my husband and we married soon after. Kadie called him daddy right away.
Through this whole time I never heard a word from S.D. It's not like he couldn't find me. If he had tried. My whole family is from the town I left. He could have asked anyone. But he didn't. When Kadie was six I called him to ask if he would sign papers for Kadie to be adopted. He didn't give me an answer. He just wanted me to tell him about this daddy person. (Dave) We never pursued the adoption. We were scared that he would put up a fuss. After discussing everything with Dave we never pursued child support either. Florida is a Right To Be A Parent State and we were afraid that if he was paying any money at all the state would make me put her on a plane to go see him. We couldn't risk that. He was always in an unstable situation.
Years went by without ever even thinking of S.D. but when Kadie became a teenager I sat her down and told her what I could. I never really told her what a jerk he was. I wanted to tell her how he used to force me to give him money and how he never held a job that wasn't under the table because he didn't want to pay child support. She now knows all of this. I have every police report and court document I ever received.
What I did tell her,was, your father loved us but not in the way that it would make it possible for us to live together as a family. I used to cry in the shower after. Every time. I than would ask her if she wanted me to contact him so she could meet him. She always said no. I din't ever push the issue I would just sigh with relief. Had she said yes, I would have done the correct thing.

A few months ago I'm watching T.V. and the phone rings. Dave goes to answer it and runs it over to me. The Id said- Sperm Donor.
So I answer the phone and he hangs up.
He calls again. And hangs up when I answer.
Finally when I answer he asks me if I am Melissa Phillips because he can't pronounce the last name. (Thats what he said, I swear to God) Before he can stumble on I cut him off and say, "Yes Sperm Donor it's me."

to be cont.
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Monday, January 18, 2010

Over The Weekend

This past weekend we got to do something that I've been trying to do for pretty much the past year!
We finally were able to get together with Mama goose!

Oh what a treat it was. Isn't she beautiful? I've seen pictures of her and her family before but they don't do them justice! Up until this weekend I had never even heard her voice. We had only emailed back and forth. What a voice she has. It kind of took me by surprise. She has what I would describe as a whiskey voice. But not the whiskey voice that come from a three pack a day habit. She has the good kind. I forgot to ask her if she can sing. I might have to hate her a little if she can.
The second thing that you notice is her hair. I just love her hair. While mine just lay there all flat in my headband. Her hair was stylishly parted on the side all full and fluffy. And do you see that smile? She smiles all the time. Let me tell you, there's nothing wrong with her teeth!

You can't even get me started on her kids! This little guy here just has to look at you and your under his spell. Mimi couldn't get enough of him. They all played together well.

This little guy here, he is so handsome, in his handsome shirt, that it won't be long before the little girls start calling. I don't know how anyone could say no to him.

Chrissy didn't think she'd have much fun. But she did. Ice cream rules.
If you couldn't tell how sophisticated we are, I'll tell you. We are at a McDonald's. McDonald's rules! We each drove about a hour to meet at a McDonald's that had an inside playground. The only problem was the playground was outside and it was cold. Oh my gosh was it cold.
So we had a little lunch and packed up the kids and headed another half an hour away to another inside McDonald's playground. This one Mama goose knew it was inside. (Maine in the winter is tough) The kids had hot fudge sundaes and we had coffee. And we talked and we talked and we talked.
Pretty soon the afternoon was gone and it had started to snow. It was time to pack up and head for home.
We had a wonderful time and are looking forward to hanging out again in the near future. Hopefully spring will come quick and we will be able to get outside with all of the kids.
We also want to plan another get together. This one probably won't have any kids and includes a certain Fisherman's Daughter. And booze, hopefully booze.......
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Friday, January 15, 2010


This morning at 5:30am my husband rolls over and tells me we have to have the van and the car in Waterville for inspections at 8am. For those of you that don't know what a vehicle inspection is I can tell you this: It's a way for the state to extort more money out of hard working people.

I'm really not pleased with this. I laid there for a moment and thought about it. Trying to grasp a coherent thought. I was asleep, now I'm awake. Woken up rudely I might add. Why am I upset? I can't think of why I'd be upset but I am. Then I remember. Usually at 8am. I'm still in my jammies drinking my second cup of coffee. Not to mention that WE HAVE SCHOOL!!!! As I try to explain this I get no where. Just told to be ready to go unless I want to drive around on an expired tag and chance a $129.00 fine. What I probably should mention is that it only costs $12.00 for an inspection. I should probably also tell you that MY inspection actually ran out last August. I'm a real rebel.
There actually have been some years where I've let it slide for eleven months. Without getting a ticket. I told you, I'm a rebel!

So I was up dressed and ready to go but I first needed coffee. I had plenty of time. No coffee. I should have went back to bed.

We get to the place for our inspections. Now both of our vehicles needed new tires. I needed two and Dave needed all four. So they take my van in first. I love my van. It took me a long time to say that. I really hate mini vans. But I pretend that mine is actually a big four wheel drive suburban. As all my vehicles before her, her name is Emma. And we've been through a lot.
As I turn my keys over to the mechanic I find out that he is formally from Delray Beach as Dave and I are. That he had four kids. And that he seems honest.
Now it should only take fifteen minutes tops to inspect a vehicle. Half hour later I drag Dave to the window and I frantically point and say to him what the (blank beep) are they doing? They have five guys looking underneath my van. At this point they are driving Dave's VW in on the other side. I am feeling sick.

The man comes in shaking his head and asks Dave to put on a pair of safety glasses and join him in the shop. I watch helplessly from the window. They walk around the van, under the van, wiggle the tires. They point at stuff and shake their heads. Crap, crap on a stick.
Dave comes back in and doesn't say a word. The man writes up an estimate and hands it over. EIGHTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!! and change. Holy Frigging hand job! He looks at me and asks if I want to put that on my credit card. No thank you I say. He then says well you have to do something, you failed your inspection. At that point my loving husband propels me towards the door so I can't run my mouth.
Why doesn't he ever get upset like I do? Together we could have taken that guy down. He was big but not that big.

So we go on over to the Golden Arches so I can get the huge vat of coffee that I so desperately need and to discuss my van.
Apparently my van needs a new front end. The whole front end. Plus a few back end things as well. I was even missing some important parts. I am freaking out. I automatically start thinking that I need a new vehicle.

I drag Dave to three dealerships. All the while he isn't saying really anything at all. Just things like "Let's think this out." "Do we really want a car payment" and my personal favorite, "Keep it together Miss, it will all work out." ( This actually annoys me.) So after I work it all out in my mind I agree to take the van back home until Dave's car is finished getting tires and some arm thingy put on it. We decide to stop in to where we always get our work done on our cars and see if they have anything for sale. We go in and (because I have, as Dave fondly calls it diarrhea of the mouth) I tell the gal what happened that morning. I ask her if we can get a second opinion. Which is what Dave said we should do in the first place. She said sure bring it in for an inspection and we'll see what you need. Oh, I should mention that we didn't go their in the first place because my husband doesn't like their tires. He will buy only American made ones. GO USA!!!

So we decide that since I still needed tires desperately we would take a quick ride to Sam's Club to get some. On the way their the car place calls and tells us that the ball joint (or something) is bad and needs to be replaced. Now that had really sent up an alarm. The ball joint was replaced under a year ago. Dave tells them no and hangs up. We get some tires and take the van back to the shop where the mechanic does his thing and writes up an estimate for, are you ready? Three Hundred Dollars.

We go awhile later to get Dave's car. After he has picked it up and we are at the bank he remembers that they didn't give him back his old tires. One of them had only 10,000 miles on it. He goes back to get it and they had destroyed them all. The low miles one was to be the spare. Once the man behind the counter sees that they were supposed give back the tires he tries to give my husband a new one but not made in this country. I wish I had been there to see that. He came home with a USA tire like the rest of the tires on his car.

So what did I learn today? I learned that you should always get a second opinion. No matter how nice the man is.
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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Seventeen Years

Did I ever tell you I was proposed to while driving around drinking Peach Wine Coolers? Did I tell you that?
I know I've told you that I hate anything peach. I even hated peach that night. But I drank them anyway.

Today, about noon time, Dave and I will have been married seventeen years. We were even married on a Wednesday. On a much warmer Wednesday than today but a Wednesday none the less.

When I think back over the years I don't remember a time without him. It's like nothing else existed before him. I don't really know when this or how this happened. It just did. When I think about the future he's there. With me. By my side.

And just like seventeen years ago, we had a special night planned for us. And just like seventeen years ago I started my period this morning. Some things never change.

PS. What do you think about that hair!?
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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My Dirty Secret. (Well one of them)

I have a confession to make. Okay, here goes..... I take showers. Or baths. I know, that doesn't seem like a big deal. But it is. You see, I take many of them. Not just one a day like most people. I've been known to shower up five times a day. Mostly I just take two showers. That's not unheard of. Right? I'm not sure when I started this weird thing I do maybe it was when I was working for a big brown package company. I worked a night shift and since there was not air conditioning and it was very dirty I was always in need of a shower. It also didn't help that when we first bought our house in Delray it didn't have central air. I was always hot. So I would shower. Before work, when I got home from work. Then during the course of the day we most likely would go to the beach. We lived under a mile from it. So what happens after you go to the beach? You shower. Then, when I would get upset or needed a few minutes to think, I'd take a quick shower. I don't know why. I think maybe because our house was small and I didn't have anywhere to go so I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door. Since I was in there, I might as well shower. But I can't really be sure.
I've passed my weirdness on to my children. From the day they are born until they are out of diapers, they are bathed twice a day. Got to keep that area clean. I have been widely criticized about this. Your going to wash that babies skin off. Babies should only be washed once a week. (EWWWWWWW) What could they possibly do to make you want to wash that child so much? Umm, they pee and poop in a diaper. The way I looked at it, it took just as much time to just wash them down as put a bit of water in the tub and chuck them in. And they loved it! They were always happy to kick and splash. It really was part of a great routine. Up in the morning, breakfast then a bath. Dinner, bath, story, bed. It worked.

Also living here in Maine, we are snowed in or it's way to cold to be outside for any length of time. So what do we do. We play in the tub. Nothing anymore fun then filling the tub with blocks, little people, boats and other misc. tub toys and hopping in. The girls, they are getting too old to want to play in the tub. Unless it's a bubble bath complete with candles and a preteen magazine. Though they prefer what we like to call Hollywood Showers. Our oldest was famous for these. Between all the water we run for baths/showers and the mountains of laundry I do everyday (hee hee) our water bill is that of a ten person household. Which leads to HUGE disagreements with my husband. It's cheap entertainment I say. You don't pay the bill! He says. We go round and round.

I'm also known to tell the kids to go take a shower and cool off. If they have had a rotten day, nothing anymore relaxing than a shower. If you've been playing in the mud all afternoon, take a quick shower. If you've been wading in the river (the one where you can only eat one fish per year out of because of the mercury levels) go take a quick shower. If you don't feel good and are slightly feverish, or not, go take a quick shower, you'll feel better. I'm sure at this point you all get the drift.

Oh mommmy, must you wash me so much? It's not the water that I don't like, it's the greasing me up like a pig after. No More Lotion!
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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Winter Wonderland

I'd like to say that these pictures were taken in black and white. As you can see though, there is red grafitti on one of the rocks.
We drove home the Saturday after New Years while there was a lull in the weather. The bad weather wasn't do to strike until early afternoon. The ride home only took two hours considering the ride down, this was cake:)

It was kind of gloomy out but some how it was peaceful. Except for the fact that you couldn't really see the road and if you made an un thought out move you'd be sliding in the ditch.

Intresting piece of information (to me, maybe not for you) This is a camp. It's in the middle of the Kennebec River. We are passing it while going across the Fairfield Bridge. It's on a tiny island. I don't think they stay in the winter. In this picture we are only minutes from home and the kids were starting to find their boots and coats. We were all excited to be getting home. My gosh it was good to get home.

I never thought I'd love this place like I do. It's like always having a new painting to look at. Ever changing. I guess that's what life is.
If you have a minute or two, drop by Frank's Blog. You can get to it from my blog roll. He's making and giving away a CD for all who ask him. I haven't asked him for one yet but I'm going to.

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Years Escape

A few weeks ago Dave and I went to a real adult party. It was his work Christmas party. It was also almost two hours from the house. Which means you can't drink and drive. Not that I would or ever have done that. At least not in the last twenty years. SO in order to keep all of us safe, that live in our neck of the woods his boss gets us all Villa's. They thought we were bringing the children and so they rented us a two bedroom villa. We didn't bring the kids. I'll tell you a secret. We only stayed at the party two hours and then we hauled arse back to the villa. Yeah BABY! It sure was nice. We decided at that point we would bring the kids down over New Years. So that's what we did.

Now the villa we got this time was NO WHERE near as nice as the first one we had. When I called to reserve I didn't know I needed to say exactly what I wanted. IE the same as what we had. It was still lovely and a real bargain. Over the winter they run a weekday special. Eighty nine dollars a night! The third floor costs a little bit more. That's where we stayed the first time. It was well worth the little extra. But this was still nice. You had a dining room.

A full kitchen, including a dishwasher and just about every kind of pot, pan, baking dish, piece of silverware that you could think of. Some I don't even have at home. No, I didn't take anything.

The living room was spacious and the girls liked the TV. As a matter of fact there were three TVs. The bedrooms each had one also. So Dane could watch Special Agent Oso and not drive the rest of us crazy.

This is the bedroom we stayed in. The bed was horrid. It was supposed to be a king size. I swear it wasn't even a queen. We tossed and turned both nights.
What was really cool, the unit had a washer and dryer. I just love washers and dryers. We didn't have any dirty laundry when we got home!
They have an indoor swimming pool, a weight room and a lame, I mean game room. You can rent DVDs and video's. Plus you are very close to the beaches. If you are on the third floor you can see them from your window.
We had planned to take the kids out on New Years Eve. Old Orchard had a big bon fire planned. We were stoked.
Unfortunately, when we left right before two, we had no idea it would take us four hours to make a one hour and forty minute drive. We were making great time until we got to Yarmouth and right after that all traffic stopped. We sat for just under two hours without moving. All I have is this to say: To the person who's car caught fire, YOU ARE A COMPLETE AN UTTER F#CK*IN% MORON.
We were so stressed that all we could do when we finally got there was run to the grocery. We didn't even see the ball drop.
All in all, it was very relaxing and we'd stay there again. The web site for Village By the Sea is:
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