Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Camping Part 2

I guess I'm not much of a camper. It's too much work. It takes an entire day to pack and then you forget half of your shit. My kids become cranky and want things for every place we stop and when they don't get it they become Children of the corn. Just to get to the camping area we had to drive two hours. Then when we checked in we found out that they just checked someone in two hours before us with my name. Isn't that strange the park ranger comments. Yeah, I say it sure is strange. Maybe you should check over that paperwork again cause there isn't too many people from the state of Maine with my first and last name. He checks and sees that he gave someone the wrong paperwork and where my name is printed under the people have to sign their name which they did. Does anyone read what they sign? We had to wait for a ranger to make sure they were on the correct campsite before we could go in. If the ranger would have looked at their paperwork he would have found that they had a 35 foot camper that wouldn't fit on a tent site. I did point that out to him in the end. And I was only a little bitchy about it.
Once you get to your site you have to set up. That means making all of your children lug supplies back and forth while they are protesting vigorously and loudly. Maybe I should send them to work in China for a few months and maybe when they got home they'd have a new tude. Once everything is set up its immediately time to eat. It doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the night. Kids can't ever let you sit down for one minute to regroup. The I'm hungries start. After they have been fed its the I'm bored, I'm hot/cold, can we go swimming syndrome.
The only chance you have to have any good time at all is to run the piss out of them. Take them swimming and don't let them out of the water for at least an hour. No matter how cold the water is. After an hour of cold Maine water their little lips are blue but their teethe are chattering so bad they can't talk. (You might get some weird looks from the other do-good mommies but frig them they aren't 41 with a three year old) Directly after that take them hiking. Make them walk until they lay on the ground and can't move. Then offer the first one back to camp a KitKat. As they all race back to camp at breakneck speed walk along at a slow pace enjoying the sites as you eat the KitKat that was for the winner. After all it wasn't my fault it was the last KitKat. I thought there were more. Then take them back to the beach area to collect rocks. After they have filled all of their pockets and yours (after they fall asleep throw all of the rocks away so you can go back and collect more the next day, but don't ever admit that your the one who pitched them) head back to camp. By then these children surely should be tired. I know I was. And again it was time to cook more damn food.

Here's mister hiker himself. His face is dirty and he has dried blood on his hand and embedded under his finger nails. I'm now just able to get it all off.
And the girls, oh my beautiful smart girls. What do they do for kicks when it's all said and done and they are settling down for the evening. Why they make a video. Not just any video but a How To video. How to correctly pick your nose in class so no one notices.
After that I click my heels three times and say PLEASE TAKE ME HOME.
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Mama Goose said...

"And I was only a little bitchy about it." Hahahaha!!

BTW, I'd pay money to see the video the girls made.

Looks like you guys had an awesome trip!

FishermansDaughter said...

It's my personal experience and no offense to those having dear ones who work in the camp ground running industry - that camp ground staff positions attract people of a certain (low) ability - mostly those that can't find their own ass with their own two hands!! Feelin your pain...

KimberlyDi said...

This was the funniest most brutally honest post ever! Loved it.

Stacy D. Briefing said...

LMFAO! Glad you survived! There is indeed no place like home Dorothy!