Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Practice Heart

My girls are still babies. That's how I feel. I want to keep them innocent for as long as I'm able. That doesn't mean that I don't want them to know things. They just don't really need to know everything. That's how I feel about SEX. Okay I said it. SEX. Let's talk about sex.
How can I talk about sex in front of my babies? They are BABIES! Hello! Look at them!
Before I get into SEX. Let me explain as best as I can the Practice Heart routine that goes on in our home.
My girls aren't allowed to date. Dane will not be allowed to either. I have and do tell the girls that they don't want to be a Practice Heart.
A Practice Heart is when you date someone and give them your Heart. A year, month, week, day or sometimes even an hour later they give you back your Heart and it's cracked. And it hurts. Then that boy, who is not a man, who has nothing to offer you finds himself another sucker to practice on until one day he finally becomes a man. Why not wait until he's that man?
I know this sounds hard on boys. I have a boy and it sounds bad. So in a boys defence, I don't want my son to break a girls heart. Whether he 12 or 18. At that age he has nothing to offer a girl. He can't support her. He can't give her the emotional support she needs. What he can do is knock her up and really make things difficult. What a boy needs to do is go to school, play sports or music or whatever floats his boat and grow up. Stress free of having some flighty PYT (pretty young thing) hanging all over him when he should and NEEDS to be concentrating on school, family and friends. No thirteen year old boy should have to worry about buying anyone outside of his family a gift of any kind.
I also talk to my girls about virginity. Yup I do. I say to them, Your body is a temple. It's yours. You need to know how to make it the best it can be. You need to know how to exercise your body and feed it the right foods. You need to know how it works. I mean how it really works. Like why does blood flow through your veins? What tissue is (the kind you don't blow your nose with) and so on. I don't limit their knowledge to just the female body but the male body too. I mean how many woman really know how a man's body functions? Anyway, back on subject. I tell the girls this. You give everyone your smiles, your honesty, your time, your devotion etc. Why not save this one thing, this one precious thing that you only have one of to your husband. A special gift for him and him alone.
We also talk about crushes. It's okay to have a crush on someone. Everyone has a crush on someone. It's part of growing up. That doesn't mean that you have to jump in bed with them. You don't have to act on every impulse that you have. As an adult we can't act on our every impulse. If we did there would be a lot of crime. So even though you like a boy, you don't have to do anything about it.

Why I have decided to talk about this today is because Chrissy had a neighbor friend over last week. They are in the same grade, ride the same bus and have many of the same friends. But Chrissy and this girl aren't really friends. If that makes sense.
She is twelve and a week ago had her school physical where the doctor informed her and her mother that she should be on birth control of some kind. This child, no baby, sat on my couch telling our entire family about it. SHE'S 12!!!!! Help us Sweet Baby Jesus! I won't go into the whole conversation but I will say she covered all the bases. Gulp. I went to bed that night and my brain zipped and zapped all night long thinking about how I was going to talk to my daughter about that conversation. I was so nervous that I didn't bring it up until Sunday night when I was driving her to youth group.
It went something like this. (I can't remember word for word because I was so nervous about saying the right thing, I want her to know SEX is AWESOME! Just not right now. I don't want my kids to be ashamed of their bodies and feelings.)
Me: So what did you think of your friends info the other night?
Chrissy: silence, you could have heard a pin drop.
Me: Do you know exactly how people have SEX?
Chrissy: Shakes her head no.
Me: Well then, let me tell you. A man has a penis and he puts in it a woman's vagina.
Chrissy: Yeah, I know that. Why?
Me: Um, well, um, well when your married it's a lot of fun. (Why the hell would I say that?)
Me: When you have SEX the result is a baby. That's why babies are such a gift. They are a gift created by two married people who love each other.
Chrissy: (Who at this point has her hair pulled forward and I can see only one eye. Said eye is darting all over the place seeming to say get me the hell out of here.)
Me: Do you have any questions?
Chrissy: What's birth control?
Me: Birth control is something that a woman and sometimes a man uses to prevent birth. Sometimes, moms and dads can't afford to have anymore children and they still want to have sex.
Chrissy: Why?
Me: Um, well, it's cheaper than going to the movies on Saturday night. And more fun. Okay now, we are at Church time to get out. I'll see you in a few hours.
Chrissy: Rolling her one eye, Bye mom. Oh and Thanks.
I'm still a mess over the whole thing.


Stacy D. Briefing said...

Sex talks are difficult...for everybody I think. I'm with you on the waiting on dating (and sex) thing. My oldest is 14 and no where near ready yet. There's plenty of time later. Never heard anyone say "I wish I would have had my heart broken sooner!" :)

Eleanor : ) said...

Birth control at 12?!?!?!?! Sadly, in some parts of Maine that's probably about right. Thank God there are moms like you who dare to have these talks with their children. Too many just wait and see how it play out. Often poorly. I know an awful lot of 30 something year old grandmothers... sigh.

FishermansDaughter said...

Well done! The "practice heart" is a great way to illustrate and reinforce abstinence. You should be proud of yourself for stepping up and not allowing the opportunity to just go by because you were uncomfortable. The girls are really lucky to have you! :)