Monday, September 13, 2010

Staying Home

Yesterday after we came home from church the kids and Dave made a dash for the fair. Sunday was wristband day. I was so excited I didn't know what to do first. You see my father in law is coming today. The house was and still is a mess. I need to clean. Really really badly. I thought I was going to have some free time to do it yesterday. But more on that in a minute. I started out giving Trapper a much needed bath. I don't know how one dog can stink so bad. He kept jumping out of the tub and running by me. Pretty soon we were both growling at each other and water was everywhere. The whole time I'm trying to get everything cleaned up the phone keeps ringing. I finally answered it.
Me: Hello
Dave: Hey
Me: What?
Dave: You have to come here.
Me: No, why? What's wrong?
Dave: All of theses girls have come to hang out with Chrissy. I don't even know half of them. Am I in charge of them? Where are their parents. You just have to come.
Me: No, I'm cleaning.
Dave: Please.
Me: I'll see you in a few minutes.
This is why my house is always a mess.............
When I got there Mimi was scarfing down a Carmel apple. The clumps are Carmel kept getting caught in the gaping hole between her front teeth. Yesterday she wondered if that gap was ever going to fill in. I secretly wondered that too.
Chrissy with her boyfriend, dough boy. If she keeps eating dough boys she's going to pack on a few pounds.
Notice all the seedy looking characters? This here's a real country fair folks! We even crown a Dairy Princess every year.
And of course I couldn't forget my boy. The Great Dane wasn't too Keen on rides but felt safe on the horses. He made horse noises and shouted giddy up! I dressed him in game day attire. The Packers played yesterday and they showed the game on TV here! Not that I don't like the Pat's. My true team are the Dolphins. I've almost given up on them ever winning a Superbowl though. I won't ever totally give up hope.
So today I have some massive cleaning and laundry to do. I didn't sleep worth a darn last night. I lay in bed and all I can think about is should I have pushed my mom into one more round of chemo. Would it have made a difference? Is she okay where she is now? Does she forgive me for being a rotten kid? It just doesn't end. It's awful and I can't get over the guilt and the sorrow. I feel so strange inside. One part of me tells me to get up off my ass and move! Live my life! The other part of me, the part that's winning is letting me walk in circles not knowing what to say, do or think one minute to the next. It's a real pressure cooker in my head.
So anyway, I've got to get on with my day. I wouldn't want my FIL to walk in to the house when it looks like this. (He wouldn't care) I care. Maybe I'll post a few before and after pictures of the chaos to help keep me motivated through the day:) Isn't that what you wanted to see? My mess. Hee hee!
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1 comment:

Mama Goose said...

You have to stop beating yourself up. She wouldn't want you to do that. She would want you to celebrate her life, not mourn her loss. It's okay to be sad, but you can't wallow. Now go turn some music on loud and clean your house. You'll feel better. Promise.