Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Almost Two Years

I'm not sure where all the time has gone but this Friday my mom will have been gone for two years. For whatever reason this has hit me much harder than last year. As a matter of fact I'll go on to say that I think I'm going a little bit crazy.

It started at the first of the month when I would cry at the drop of a hat. At first I blamed PMS. (I blame everything on that) Then my so called PMS morphed into something much bigger than I could ever imagine. I wouldn't leave the house unless I had to. (Still won't) Z would stop in if he could during the day to make sure I was making it to all of the things I had to do. He was calling me quite a bit to keep me motivated and on schedule. Trust me, if he wasn't doing this I would go back to bed and not get up. Also know that I don't like being told I have to do something even if I scheduled myself to do it and to have Z remind me to do it , well, lets just say it ain't been no picnic for Z. All the while I'm living day to day just trying to get through the day.
Then last week I remembered that my moms day O death was approaching. At that point everything clicked. I understood why I have been acting so out of it. I'm not going to let this control my life as it has the past two years. My mom wouldn't want this for me. I don't want this for me or for my family. But I can't will it away. It just won't go. I can't make peace with the fact that she's gone. I have so much bitterness in my heart that I can't let go of even though I keep praying for it to.
I haven't spoke to number 1 child all week because I know she has had such a hard time with my moms passing and as soon as I hear her voice I know I'm going to lose it and she doesn't need this.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Before and After

                                                                                Isn't she just lovely!
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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

One Long Weekend

Soccer started recently and we signed Little Z up. Z wasn't able to attend the first game and when he came home the first thing he asked was about the game. What do you say about a bunch of pre k and k boys and girls playing soccer?
Really, what can you say? All you can do is cover your face and laugh. When my boy was out on the field he spent more time waving to me and talking to his teammates.

Little Z is telling the coach, who is telling him to try to watch the ball and not worry about your neighbor, about the little girl on his team that keeps grabbing him by the neck and throwing him to the ground. He figures if he talks to her and "make her my fwend" that she won't hurt him anymore.

During that very same game.......my girl got stung by a bee. For the very first time. Once she figured out that she WASN'T allergic to bee stings and wasn't going to die she said that she was glad the bee was going to die and she hoped it was painful and slow. I guess I should be worried about ticking her off huh? I was actually very proud of her when she got stung. She walked up to me and told me and when I looked I couldn't even see a red mark. So I said,"No you didn't go sit down." a few minutes later she showed me her arm and it was bright red and puffy. I felt very bad.

On another big girl note the night before my girl had a dance at her school. The first one of the year. She talked about it all week long. After school Friday she spent hours picking out clothes. At the last minute I asked her if she wanted to get Chinese food and rent some movies and stay home and snuggle on the couch. AND THAT'S WHAT WE DID!!!!!

Field hockey is also in full swing. My baby girl is playing on the travel team. Our weekends are long and  those girls are dedicated. Nothing better than chix with stix!

On a more sober note tomorrow my nephew is going in to have surgery. He has Osteomyelitis in his femur. They will go in and remove the infected part of the bone and replace it with synthetic bone that will dissolve as the new bone grows back.It is truly amazing what the medical community can do. My nephew is 11 just six months older than my baby girl. He is his moms baby and my heart just bleeds for her and my brother. They have been strong through this entire process. Today my brother told me that this part was the easy part. The hard part would be trying to keep him in bed for a few weeks. I think he may be right.
So tomorrow morning I'll be up and at em bright and early heading  to the hospital to sit in the waiting room praying for good news. Surgery should only be a couple of hours and the chance of cancer is very low. The doctors call this routine but I hardly think of it as anything but routine. It's all in Gods hands.

Monday, September 19, 2011

My Ladies

I sing this song to my ladies everyday. Does it make  me a bad person?

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Monday, September 12, 2011

Jr. Miss Dairy

Oh my gosh!!! Here it is! I hope it 's downloaded corectly. Introducing Mimi....

It's Been Awhile

I know, I know. It's been awhile since I've posted. Sorry but we've been really busy and I've sort of been in a funk. I won't go into that at this time but I will tell you about all of the awesome things that have been happening all around me.
For starters: This precious baby girl. Her name is Nora. She came into the world after four hours of her mom pushing like a mad woman and ending up having an emergency c-section. In this picture she three days old and still bunking at the hospital with her mom. Her mom is the lovely young lady that the girls and I had the baby shower for. How can anyone be sad looking at a baby? I wish we could all bottle the smell of our babies. I don't think I'd ever be sad again.

My little guy and I started homeschooling last week. I'd be lying like a rug if I said it was going well. It's not and I've cried everyday. But not in front of him or he'll think he's winning the battle. I will prevail and figure out how to teach him and we will both be happy. It is my new mission in life.
 As soon as I get off the computer.

Last Thursday evening my baby girl tried out for her first pageant ever. She didn't win but she sure gave it her all. As soon as I can figure out how...I will download her talent portion off of YouTube so you-all can view it. She was amazing on the piano and I still can't believe she has only been playing for a year.

Here she is with the other gals. The young lady that won is thirteen and the other is twelve. All three did such a wonderful job that I'm sure the judges had a tough decision to make.
 I really had a hard time with her dress. I wasn't told that there would be an evening gown competition. I found out when we got to the pageant. We had been told on paper that a street length dress would be appropriate. I had heard some talking that it might not be the case. I did find out that it wasn't necessary for the younger girls to have an evening dress just the older girls. I just needed to pay more attention. So when I was looking for a dress I decided to go middle of the road. After all my baby girl is ten and that's how I wanted her to look. TEN. I think I nailed it, don't you? The best part was-the other girls had on borrowed gowns and they were stained and ripped in places for not being taken care of properly. I bought Mimi's dress off of e-bay for twenty-six bucks with eight bucks shipping. It was here in three days. Now she has had the dress for the pageant and is able to wear it for Easter Sunday. Then we will have it cleaned again and pass it to another young lady. (you can't tell but but both of the other girls are wearing three inch heels with their gowns. WHY!? It's not attractive to clomp everywhere you go.)
Also I must tell you about all of the hard work it takes to run a pageant. The ladies who put it on and the ladies that judged it. INCREDIBLE- I tell you! All of the woman have something to do with Agriculture- either farming or working in the Ag field. Then to work the pageant. The pageant just didn't stop the evening that the winner was announced. Nope the whole thing lasted through the weekend of our fair here in town. The winners made ice cream with the public and passed out information on milk and cheese and the importance of farming. All with the coordinators help. I'm praying they all got to sleep in this morning and no-one had to get up and milk cows! 

 After the pageant Mimi told Chrissy that next year she was going to play the piano again BUT this time she was going to sing with it. I think I'm in for a heck of a year!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Super Busy

Our fair and lovely Maid Marian is trying out for her first pageant. It's set up in two parts. This was the first one. She is vying for the title of Miss Junior Dairy Princess. Have I told you what I think of these things? When the idea of this pageant came up and Marian decided to do it I was a bit surprised. Then I found out why she wanted to do it. Since it's a dairy pageant you need to know about the dairy industry. That interests our lovely girl. So when she asked the farm to sponsor her she also asked if she could go to their farm and help out. If I let her she would go to the farm every day......

Here she is getting a second place award....For milking a cow!

We are full of firsts in this family and Dane had his first piano lesson. The on;y problem is, I'm supposed to help him during the week and I don't know what a c-note is. Or where it is. I might get scolded tomorrow.

As you know I held a baby shower last week. This was a first for Kadie. She made a diaper cake. I helped by getting in her way and being bossy. Isn't it adorable?

This is my first. I've always wanted to try to make one so I you tubed it and found out that it really isn't that hard to make. I thought it wasn't half bad for a first try.

But I'm getting sick of firsts and now this week has had a couple of them. Hopefully I can get back into my comfy little world where everything is the same quick because I don't think I can handle much more.

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